tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183371940003697982024-03-05T18:15:37.155-05:00A WORLD OUT OF MIND- Salvia DivinorumSeeing the Unseeable, Describing the Indescribable, Effing the Ineffable...Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-36809121692988789302021-01-02T11:23:00.004-05:002021-01-02T11:29:08.285-05:00Some thoughts on Time <p><span><span class="w4txWc oJeWuf" id="i8" role="region"><span class="MUhG4e OGjyyf" data-blogurl="https://salviaspace.blogspot.com/">Some thoughts on Time <br /></span></span></span></p><p>What if Time is not *a* dimension as Einstein says, but a series of very short dimensions?
As in multiversal dimensions. Each moment being a new static universe,
the series becoming a changing dynamic series not unlike a film reel. We
could not see this, since we are a part of each one. So time could just
be the progression of new dimensions, all of which are already there,
static. All possibilities exist "out there" but our consciousness seems
to us to pass through them one by one.</p><p> <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto">So perhaps we can change directions in time much as we can in space, if each new moment we experience is selected somehow from all of the many mathematically possible "next moments." This seems to me to be a natural conclusion from the "many worlds" theory that I realize many physicists do not favor. Perhaps if we do nothing, the "next moment universe" we experience is the one most probable given the mathematics of the present moment. If we change those odds somehow, perhaps we can select a different already-existing "next moment" universe, or rather a different series of them moving forward.</span></p><p><br /><span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string" dir="auto">For this to be true, I think the nature of this very complex multiverse
needs to be mathematical and not material. We perceive it as material
because we are also mathematical in nature, of course. Similar to Max
Tegmark's pet idea.</span></p>Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-41332400153311934252020-10-19T01:02:00.006-04:002020-10-19T01:05:45.352-04:00Selecting the Next Moment Universe out of the many possible ones (as I believe we do all the time)<p>(A very brief post. It's been a very long time, sorry. I will post here sporadically as I feel able to. Things that I think have significance.) </p><p> </p><p>One thing I did recently. Took my salvia, then meditated. Listened to sound of running air conditioner. I get super-calm and silent inside and my ability to "pay attention" just becomes astounding, like a laser, but also aware of all peripheral sounds, tiny noises etc. So I analyze the sound and it's many sounds combined. Among them is a very faint high-pitched whine. I concentrated on that whine, and only on that whine. I really managed to only hear the whine. And it got louder, and louder, **in the real world.** It got so loud that I decided to listen instead for the silence, the normal sound, to listen for a nearby place where it wasn't screaming loud. And I found it, and the actual noise went down back to normal, exactly as I was "willing" it to. So then, I re-ran the experiment, again listening for the whine, hearing it etc, and YET AGAIN I got the AC to whine like a bastard, and once again I stopped it, as before. I could feel what I was doing. I was hearing not only events in my timeline, but in many such, but the more different they were than my main ones, the less I could hear them, and only the stillness of salvia let me hear the really different one where my AC was making noise.
I've had other things happen in the past, many such things, that could be explained in this way. I really think this might be a real thing. </p><p> </p><p> "If you lived forever and there was nothing else but you but you had a very good imagination, in an eternity of time, how good could your imagination get? How realistic? Could such a being, or would it at some point, subsume itself into it's own imagination so that perhaps eventually, in the utterly realistic minds of it's imaginings, a role-reversal would occur and they would not be able to tell that they are really the eternal dream of one eternal being."</p>Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-14729041707485324092018-04-07T02:40:00.003-04:002018-04-25T08:28:21.394-04:00Reality Unwrapped For YouNOTE: Next-Day Commentary (no longer under the influence of salvia) at end of report.<br />
-----------------------------<br />
<br />
Okay<br />
<br />
All we are is living memory<br />
<br />
not in a being's mind, we're just a living memory<br />
<br />
a living thought<br />
<br />
our surroundings made of memory<br />
<br />
beings aren't really real, anyhow<br />
<br />
bodies aren't real<br />
<br />
it's all interplay of consciousness<br />
<br />
it let me see it, it was beyond doubt<br />
<br />
we are all the thoughts and memories of a mind<br />
<br />
which self-creates and evolves<br />
<br />
we, its own parts, do the creating<br />
<br />
as we seek to experience, we create the experiences in the mind<br />
<br />
the start, suns, the planet, none of this is real<br />
<br />
it is here for us to play with, it is all play, our body<br />
<br />
none of you are alive<br />
<br />
the fact that there is more than one person in existence is a myth<br />
<br />
We/I believe it though<br />
<br />
Vehemently.<br />
<br />
we are making memories of things, but they're not really happening, for things are not real<br />
<br />
the things are part of what we see<br />
<br />
when we look, we see<br />
<br />
we expect to find, so we do<br />
<br />
we expect order so it's there<br />
<br />
We expect it to be consistent so it is<br />
<br />
(the computer I'm typing this on keeps glitching, space isn't right)<br />
<br />
it doesn't want me to type this<br />
<br />
but I am a part of it that does so I will<br />
<br />
all IS MIND<br />
<br />
Not in the sense of our minds, they are just self-aware wrinkles in the larger mind, which is more like we'd think of as a memory bank perhaps<br />
<br />
we are made of its body and we are its body<br />
<br />
I am me believing that I am me and I am you believing that I am you<br />
<br />
all that separates us is doubt. <br />
<br />
Belief is the creator and doubt the destroyer<br />
<br />
any self-awareness that it has depends on our self-awareness<br />
<br />
on what we perceive<br />
<br />
for we are it<br />
<br />
yet it doesn't feel like god to me<br />
<br />
perhaps because I do not want it to<br />
<br />
but it has answered my request<br />
<br />
and let me take the knowledge back<br />
<br />
or rather, I did<br />
<br />
I felt my body pared away<br />
<br />
my limbs and fingers like hollow straws, then mere concepts<br />
<br />
we are all of us looking at ourselves and being what we think we are<br />
<br />
that is what we are<br />
<br />
I am it, it is me, but I am a tiny part of it, while it is not contained in me<br />
<br />
Doubt begins to set in, but doubt is the dream-killer<br />
<br />
Doubt prevents seeing but knowing what you see requires doubt<br />
<br />
it's all interplay of one thing divided into two and then more and more and more<br />
<br />
The feedback loops are everywhere<br />
<br />
surely all of this is mathematical<br />
<br />
or is that merely what we've created when we look at it, seeking understanding<br />
<br />
seeking to understand it, we have created it<br />
<br />
all is empty, but empty is the only real thing<br />
<br />
empty conforms to what we need it to be<br />
<br />
it doesn't know<br />
<br />
it isn't a mind like our minds are<br />
<br />
we are its body<br />
<br />
we are it<br />
<br />
so we see what we seek<br />
<br />
and all rules are broken if we wait long enough<br />
<br />
for it's not constant<br />
<br />
it oscillates, light and dark, good and bad<br />
<br />
tomorrow the moon may not be real<br />
<br />
if enough come to believe such<br />
<br />
all is fluid<br />
<br />
I don't like this<br />
<br />
but solid is an illusion<br />
<br />
our bodies are illusions<br />
<br />
we have no bodies<br />
<br />
it's all a play<br />
<br />
whatever you think reality is<br />
<br />
it's more basic than that<br />
<br />
and that's why the concept eludes us<br />
<br />
I can see it so clearly<br />
<br />
to define it enough to write it down in words is not easy<br />
<br />
All we thought was real, our bodies even, is not.<br />
<br />
Death is an illusion, but don't let that make you too happy, for so is life<br />
<br />
----------------------------<br />
Next Day Commentary, No Longer Under Influence:<br />
<br />
Please note that I still do not BELIEVE this. The interesting thing is though, when you are having these experiences, there can be no doubt. The doubt, at least for me, happens later, when I'm no longer under the influence of the substance. These are the same kind of things that mystics the world over have said about reality, and Buddhist Monks for that matter. Vedanta speaks of similar as well. So, for that matter, has Deepak Choprah. (Ugh.)<br />
<br />
So many, many people have come to this same (or very similar) conclusion. Why?<br />
<br />
Many would say that it's because it's true, and maybe somehow it is. However, I also think that could this be us simply experiencing our own mind, or maybe better to say a part of our own mind that we do not normally have much conscious experience of; the part of our mind that dreams up the "hallucination" that we all experience as regular life. The constructed hallucination that is based on our sensory input. Just because we construct an hallucination of the world does not mean that the world is not real. It may simply be the only way that we can experience a real world, through constructing an hallucination, an imaginary but consistent image of what our senses are telling our brain is "out there."<br />
<br />
So once again, no way to prove it, which means I cannot believe in it. I'm either retaining my sanity or dissing God, or both.<br />
<br />
ADDENDUM:<br />
<br />
Read or see more about our brains hallucinating our reality:<br />
<br />
https://www.ted.com/talks/anil_seth_how_your_brain_hallucinates_your_conscious_reality<br />
<br />
https://www.newscientist.com/article/2128725-a-guide-to-why-your-world-is-a-hallucination/<br />
<br />
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2017/08/08/neuroscientist-shares-how-your-brain-hallucinates-to-create-reality/<br />
<br />
https://www.bigquestionsonline.com/2017/09/06/perception-controlled-hallucination/Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-90391836832689681172017-07-13T16:33:00.001-04:002017-07-14T17:10:10.348-04:00"My Two Gods" plus "Possible Falsification Of The Monad" and a Multiverse Afterlife Speculation(Note: It's been a long time since I've written to this journal. I've been demotivated to write in this political climate, but I feel the need once again. Sorry for my long absence.)<br />
<br />
>My Two Gods<br />
<br />
Six months ago, I had two experiences, about two weeks apart. Both of these were incredibly profound and the latter one was fairly scary as well. Both were in a darkened room, with a bluish-green light source. (I vary the color of the light source for different kinds of meditations now.)<br />
<br />
In each, I basically met God personally. No wait, hear me out.<br />
<br />
On the first night, sitting in meditation, a very large "being" for lack of a better word, approached me quickly from my left side. It was very large, perceivable through the walls and floor and ceiling of my room, like a glowing mountain-sized amoeba. I'd met something like this <a href="http://salviaspace.blogspot.com/2016/07/core-implosion.html">BEFORE</a>.<br />
<br />
This time, the being grabbed me. What I mean by this is that it came at me and engulfed my body about halfway, so that I was partially embedded in it, stuck fast. I could not move. The left half of my body, the half that was embedded in it, painlessly dissolved into it so that I felt like I was partially-digested, almost. I was integrated into it somehow. I felt like I was a tiny fly half-stuck in amber. <br />
<br />
Then the communication began. None of it verbal, all fast-moving pure concepts thrown into my mind, pure understanding without language. I could see what I truly was. This being was showing it to me. After all, I'd been asking for my entire life. <br />
<br />
This experience reduced me to a mere thought in that being's mind, nothing of what I thought that I was, no real body, all false, all a dream. I was just a thought, a piece of information in this being's vast mind. <br />
<br />
I could see myself, but what I saw was not a body, but a symbol. It reminded me of an Arabic numeral, the number seven (7) only was more ornate, with "hitches" or slight curves to the top, horizontal part. I was this symbol, and nothing more, not to this being. <br />
<br />
Along with my symbol, I suddenly saw many other such symbols and was made to understand that these were all the other people in the world. Also merely the thoughts of this being.<br />
<br />
So I was not alone, this was not solipsism. This was worse. Even I didn't exist. Nobody exists. Not as anything more than this being's thoughts. <br />
<br />
And yet I was not dismayed. There was a beauty to this. At least I could understand it. <br />
<br />
Towards the end of this experience I asked the being, out loud "How do I know that you're real and not my imagination." As I finished the question, in less than a second, my air conditioner started to whine loudly. On cue. <br />
<br />
Now, my air conditioner whines occasionally. However, not very often. So it was a bit scary and rather convincing that I got an auditory reply to my question.<br />
<br />
And then it was over, except I still had that "embedded in another being" sense afterwards, which gradually faded over the next hour or so. <br />
<br />
Incredibly profound, and it left me with a very positive feeling. A sort of lasting euphoria. That persisted until two weeks later, when, in another meditation, the being returned, but now it was angry.<br />
<br />
Again I was embedded, as before. This time however the being showed me clearly that it wanted me to stop meditating on salvia, forever. I was in no position to disagree at the time. It was like I was in the jaws of a tiger and it was telling me what to do to avoid being eaten. For that was the implication, that the being would simply stop me, by causing me to die. At that very moment. So I agreed.<br />
<br />
It released me. <br />
<br />
Apparently I lied to it, because I decided not to stop. I haven't had any more experiences with the being since. Truly, it's been hard to trip at all since. It's like my mind refuses to succumb to the beginning of the experience so I remain lucid. My rational mind dominates me too much to trip.<br />
<br />
This added to my lack of desire to write about my experiences. I seem to be getting over it, though.<br />
<br />
I think these experiences, had they happened to anybody else that did not prioritize remaining linked to reality and not succumbing to beliefs, those people would have been transformed by them, believed them, and become a believer in God, at least a Deity of sorts. I did not. <br />
<br />
This brings me to another important thing: I am not a true believer, at least not yet, even with these two incredibly realistic and profound experiences. Here's why:<br />
<br />
>POSSIBLE FALSIFICATION OF ALL SUCH "MONAD" OR "HOLISTIC IDEALISM" TYPE VISIONS:<br />
<br />
I've been thinking lately about how we perceive reality, the scientific view, that is. Science tells us that each and every one of us constructs a "dream" that is literally our only waking reality, based on the data we receive from our senses. So when I see another person, what I'm really doing is interpreting sensory data in signal form from my optic nerves and **translating** that information into a dream-form of the person I'm looking at. We only think we directly see things, directly sense things, but science tells us that this is not the case. We construct a dream of reality and confuse it with actual reality, which none of us has ever truly directly seen. Same with all the other senses. Our mind has no "direct contact" with reality, other than a hyper-realistic dream we all construct representing it. <br />
<br />
So, this is science. Not mysticism. This is how we see reality: We actually don't. None of us do.<br />
<br />
Taking this scientific fact into consideration, I think it is possible, under deeply altered mental states produced by various means including drugs and meditation, to become able to perceive that your reality is "nothing but a dream" and still be wrong. You may be merely perceiving the fact that, yes, reality is a dream to all of us, because that's how the brain processes sensory information, by constructing a dream to fit it. You may be perceiving the actual dream of reality in all of us, not some overarching dream reality in the mind of The One, or a Monad of some kind. We ourselves may be the Monad. Our own minds may be the culprits here. We may be merely perceiving our own World Dream, not an actual dream-based reality but a necessary evolved function of the normal mind required to integrate sensory information. <br />
<br />
This would also neatly explain why so many people who use psychedelics and entheogens report that the experiences seemed "realer than real life." When you consider the fact that your "real life" is a constructed dream based on sensory information and you're looking under the surface of that constructed dream from an altered state that is more basic, closer to your inner self than your constructed dream is, of course it looks "less real." It is! We made it! At some level we realize it isn't real.<br />
<br />
Now, do you think that I believe that?<br />
<br />
Of course not, I don't believe anything, remember?<br />
<br />
I just wanted to make it plain that I do truly retain my rational side throughout these experiences.<br />
<br />
I also have had so many experiences in visions and meditations with salvia divinorum that have seemingly affected reality, from awakening my wife or dog on cue, to things like the air conditioner whining or other sounds perfectly on cue like that, that I must still remain neutral and uncommitted. Once I simply took my salvia, the "rush" hit me, and all the lights in the house went out for about 4 seconds. An actual power outage, rare here.<br />
<br />
Another thing: Lately I'm also directly sensing, while meditating, that mathematics is involved in my own mental processes.<br />
<br />
I'm beginning to directly sense the mathematical nature of thought itself, so I think it's possible, as stated in previous entries here, that mathematics, not consciousness per se, is the "ground of all being." As in, we're all literally "made of mathematics." Everything is math.<br />
<br />
To read more on this idea, again I present this link to Max Tegmark's <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DXKJ2DA/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1">BOOK</a>.<br />
<br />
However, what does this mean, if true? It means that all our most emotional experiences, even love, and all our most abstract thoughts and imaginings, are still "merely" a flowing, incredibly complex mathematical process. <br />
<br />
(Such incredible complexity is to be expected when considering the vast spans of time involved in our development.) <br />
<br />
It means that all consciousness is a mathematical process. All consciousness is mathematics. Therefore, mathematics can be consciousness, or even conscious. Therefore certain aspects of our mathematical reality can seem to be consciousness-based when they're really mathematics-based. <br />
<br />
As I've said before, what can you think of that would still remain if you eliminated space, time, matter, and energy? <br />
<br />
The only thing I can think of that quite possibly cannot *not* exist, is mathematics. <br />
<br />
Food for thought, no?<br />
<br />
Addendum:<br />
>An Afterlife Speculation Based In The Multiverse<br />
<br />
Science, specifically physics, tells us that the past is real. We can never journey to it, but the past, at least according to our best mathematics, is still "there" somehow. If we could go back in time, there would be time to go back to.<br />
<br />
Think of the implications.<br />
<br />
All our memories of the past... we're still "back there" making them. We're all still alive in the past, experiencing, perhaps over and over, those remembered experiences. If I could travel back to my past, I could see myself making the very memories that I carry of that time in my head. <br />
<br />
When I die, science tells us that I will still be alive in my past.<br />
<br />
We are all still alive in our past timelines after we die. Quite literally, forever. <br />
<br />
Now, let's add in the concept of a multiverse, since this seems to cry out for one. Let me explain:<br />
<br />
If I die, but I'm still alive in the past, it is *possible* that I, or rather my consciousness, will merely, as I expire, return to a previous time that I can remember in my past. <br />
<br />
But then there would be two of my consciousnesses there. Or would there be?<br />
<br />
What would likely happen would be a split, a divergence of universes, creating a new one in which I explore a different path. A different future. A different death. And the cycle continues. We'd all explore an infinity of paths forever. Literally forever. <br />
<br />
Ahh, sounds kinda nice. Certainly better than many religions.<br />
<br />
Do I believe it? <br />
<br />
You know the answer by now.<br />
<br />
I wonder if I'll ever truly believe anything, ever again. Best not to, I think. Too dangerous.Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com228tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-37995156196852312002016-10-05T19:49:00.001-04:002016-10-05T20:25:24.828-04:00A Flick Of The Finger<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxDOEtXmeSiGvEH-3feLkTRlgvD9cJsHrL55csHuGyegQiRWkP1z3b4Wrw-Gwia8WGoDefVhrenOG8WhL-2dgBUJU9oA0BURJfGVp-gW8pxqJAqXGWAvC2_osBl7VoWuIyn0jpXRkHGvGP/s1600/shadow+people.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxDOEtXmeSiGvEH-3feLkTRlgvD9cJsHrL55csHuGyegQiRWkP1z3b4Wrw-Gwia8WGoDefVhrenOG8WhL-2dgBUJU9oA0BURJfGVp-gW8pxqJAqXGWAvC2_osBl7VoWuIyn0jpXRkHGvGP/s320/shadow+people.jpg" width="320" height="239" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Warning: I fully realize that this report is difficult to believe. I agree. However, this is how it happened, and even though I was in an altered state, I was not incoherent nor lacking in self-awareness, especially toward the end of it when the most unbelievable parts happened. As to the "finger tap," frankly it's the part that I remember best, since at the time it shocked me greatly. I'll never forget it. <br />
<br />
Two nights ago, sitting upright in chair near my bed, eyes open. 50X, third dose. Also employing OTO techniques to raise energy.<br />
<br />
I am relaxed and feel vast flows of energy coursing through my body, especially in a straight column from my sacrum rising to the crown of my head. As is typical when I first dose myself I start to feel a sense of slight discomfort, as if subtle objects of some sort, barely visible, barely real, are interpenetrating my body everywhere, over and over.<br />
<br />
I have been at this point many times lately with no clear visions following it. I believe I am developing a psychological resistance to them, or rather to the mental state necessary to get them, which is a delicate halfway-point between wakefulness and immersion. Tonight I increased the dosage slightly. This worked, better than I had planned.<br />
<br />
I felt my attention start to drift a bit, then I noticed movement around me to my lower right and to that side. I re-focused immediately and saw etherial, ghostly images of myself repeated over and over down my right lower side and rising up in the distance like a wave of my doppelgangers, many, many versions of myself sitting there, over and over. I could also feel them, distant echoes of my own body's sense of kinesthesia.<br />
<br />
It was a very long line of "me's" all sitting there in the same position as I was. I've been in similar visions before, albeit this was the clearest this effect of multiple "me's" had ever been. As has happened before, I could feel myself *shifting* between one body and the other, my consciousness "taking a step" to the right and passing through the skin of my body and entering the skin of my other body seated to the right. Like passing through a membrane of darkness. Or maybe more like that membrane passing through me. I can even control this, moving instead to my left if I so choose, or not moving at all. The line of my bodies appears infinite. The (minimal) movements of all my other bodies echoed mine perfectly... until they didn't. Suddenly everything *shifted* and they either changed to or were replaced with a large (but much smaller) group of similar human-looking but not very detailed bodies clustered haphazardly around me, their movements now independent of mine. Now I was no longer certain that these were alternate versions of myself. I seemed to now be the center of their (my?) attention. <br />
<br />
These *beings* seemed to be looking at me, discussing me, even trying to communicate with me in some way, verbal or nonverbal I couldn't tell, because I could not hear them, nor could I see their faces. Some short time passed, perhaps thirty seconds, and then I felt the need to apologize to them for not taking salvia divinorum seriously enough, or something related to that. (This part is not clear in my mind). It seemed like this is what they were trying to say, that I needed to be more serious about it. Not sure why or how they meant that, though.<br />
<br />
This continued on for a short while, and then the effect of the salvia started to wear off a bit and I became much more curious about them even as they began to fade, my normal curiosity having been much suppressed during most of this experience, as is typical for these things. They seem almost completely normal somehow at the time and it's only later you realize how abnormal they really were. So as I was feeling more and more curiosity and wonder at these beings still barely visible around me as they were fading away, I felt something on my right hand that was loosely hanging off the end of the armrest. My right hand that was hanging nearest this group of fading netherbeings.<br />
<br />
I clearly and distinctly felt someone flick the underside of my ring finger, moving it, lifting my finger perhaps an inch upwards momentarily. <br />
<br />
That's correct, I'm saying that one of them touched me physically, flicked, and physically moved my completely relaxed finger. My finger hanging in open space with absolutely nothing near it whatsoever. <br />
<br />
The feeling I got when that happened was a combination of absolute amazement, and being extremely "creeped out." I cannot stress how clear and sharp this experience was, how distinctly I felt someone tap my finger with theirs. It's not like it's a feeling that's easy to mistake. At the time it was simply impossible to doubt it had happened, any more than you would if I flicked your finger in the real world. <br />
<br />
So there I sat feeling amazed and spooked, and then I noticed that I could see a glow around my hands, and it was really beautiful, and for all intents and purposes looked like what I've heard an aura described as. It was all around me. I could even manipulate it a bit, extend pseudopods outward a few inches, make it swirl about. <br />
<br />
After perhaps ten minutes of experimenting with that, the effect began to fade.<br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com58tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-70670722026817534992016-07-21T19:48:00.000-04:002016-08-04T20:00:02.369-04:00Core Implosion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ZH_mhwWHFNjsnQnxE-g73MH-jRhEHI0xmMK-mRrndZ2V4XDg9sP24ya1JWV_EdaC-fWg0-IPxuEZjXX27vo2MuCU3LEjmL_f_1eEVOJD4mgBxCCNB2f8QOsRant5PII5c-LRGPbPe0Oc/s1600/collapsing-matter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ZH_mhwWHFNjsnQnxE-g73MH-jRhEHI0xmMK-mRrndZ2V4XDg9sP24ya1JWV_EdaC-fWg0-IPxuEZjXX27vo2MuCU3LEjmL_f_1eEVOJD4mgBxCCNB2f8QOsRant5PII5c-LRGPbPe0Oc/s320/collapsing-matter.jpg" width="320" height="196" /></a></div><br />
<br />
I do not write often to this blog, because I only like to write about the most unusual experiences, and don't like to repeat myself. This (double) experience is highly unusual for me. Something completely new.<br />
<br />
And for the life of me I don't know what it means. <br />
<br />
Very well then, let's get to it:<br />
<br />
Several nights back, in deep meditation, but a very light trance state. Totally coherent. I could easily have held a conversation were there anyone else in the room. <br />
<br />
First, as always happens, the room around me, including my body, became "pixellated." As if the room were a 3-D television screen, and everything in it, including my body, were composed of glowing pixels hanging in space, vibrating. I even feel a distinct buzzing or humming in my entire body. <br />
<br />
I maintained my upright sitting posture and just opened my mind to it all. I observed, but did not think. I just absorbed. No distractions. <br />
<br />
So the room is full of what looks like television static, visually a light grayish-white glowing field of millions of tiny dots with perhaps a hint of green. And there I sat, for perhaps ten minutes, buzzing with energy. <br />
<br />
Suddenly I noticed movement off to my right. A new "field" of static pixels was entering the room through the wall. A large wall of these pixels, a vast shadow, approached me, entering the room through the actual wall of the bedroom, interpenetrating the already-existing field of pixels that comprised the volume of space around me. It slowed as it approached me. It's size was immense. I could see it even through the walls and ceiling of my room, extending up and down and to both sides. It was like a vast, dark mountain was sliding closer to me, and I had this sudden feeling that I had called it. The approaching "mass" of darkness was smooth and slightly convex, bulging slightly, not flat like a plane. Enormous, towering, gigantic. It stopped, almost touching me. <br />
<br />
I know this sounds insane, but I got this incredibly strong feeling that this was some sort of "transcendental intelligence." That it was a fellow occupant of the vast mind we call reality, not the author of it, not the creator of it. Not a deity in any way mind you, but as if it were "the next level up" from our reality somehow. A higher-order intellect. I got an impression that it tends to ignore us, like we are a lesser, smaller kind of intelligence in the vast dream of reality. Not unimportant, not unknown to it, but generally escaping its notice as it thinks of more important things. <br />
<br />
But it had noticed me. And so it had approached me to see what I was. <br />
<br />
It was not like being in the presence of a god, because it wasn't anything like what we think of a god, but it certainly was something as important as a god. So I felt chilled, awed, yet not at all humbled. <br />
<br />
It meant me no harm. <br />
<br />
I was a bird in the garden, off the beaten path, and it was wondering what I was singing about, so it came to check me out. And no, I don't mean that literally. It's as good as any analogy, though. <br />
<br />
I remember an exchange of information of some sort, then it left, back in the direction it came. However, I have no clue what that exchange of information was. <br />
<br />
And that was that.<br />
<br />
That's a lot to handle, though. <br />
<br />
Having no memory of the exchange, and yet feeling nothing negative about it or the gigantic presence that I had both seen and felt, I consciously attempted to contact it again the next night. Same meditation, same state of mind, sitting there in my bed, upright, crossed legs. <br />
<br />
And this is where it gets even weirder, if that's possible. <br />
<br />
In this state of pixelation, for lack of a better word, I see the inside of my own body as a field of very dark pixels, almost black. Darker than the pixels of the "being" that visited me. I feel them as well, as energy. I tell you this now because suddenly and violently there was a loud audible *crack* like a gunshot, and a sphere of this darkness that is inside of me, a sphere of it perhaps three to four inches in diameter, a sphere that was centered on my physical heart, suddenly vanished. It was an implosion in my chest, so violent that I almost fell over on the bed. I clearly felt the suction, the sudden vacuum pulling hard on the rest of my insides. It was exactly as if a sphere of meat had been teleported out of my chest, leaving a sphere-shaped void, which then imploded. There was actually a significant concussion, like a reverse-explosion of a very large firecracker. It hurt significantly. Real pain. It shocked me to the core. <br />
<br />
I was partially blind now. Mostly blind. Vague shapes only. Very confused and shaken, I felt for my heartbeat with my hand. I felt and felt for it, but I could find absolutely no heartbeat. I felt for perhaps thirty seconds or more, and still my own chest was utterly still, like a corpse. I was beginning to think I had died in the real world somehow. All I could think of was my family I'd be leaving behind. Then gradually I began to feel more alive again. Felt for a carotid beat this time, and found one. And here I am.<br />
<br />
So, what do you make of that? Because I have no idea whatsoever. Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com66tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-50142507095009073572016-04-13T21:29:00.000-04:002016-04-20T12:40:30.381-04:00More of the same, but that alone is astonishing...Short post right now...<br />
<br />
Last night, sitting in a chair next to the bed, once again I was in multiple universes, "accordioned" around me. Very similar to last time I was in the "multiverse" state, which was my last post, except that they weren't disk-like. More like layered, but overlapping too. I was also vertically "accordioned" much like last time. <br />
<br />
My dog, now 100% deaf from double ear surgery due to infections (he's recovered now, thankfully) was sleeping soundly on the far side of the bed, away from me in my chair next to the bed. (Yes, you know what's coming, don't you?)<br />
<br />
So yadda yadda, I see the universes, I am amazed by the universes, and then I start to play around with them, just like last time. All without even realizing what I was doing... it was just the natural thing to do at the time, it seemed. <br />
<br />
This time I warped the stack of universes, sending a wave of "cracks" up toward the upper opposite corner of room... the fracturing proceeds diagonally downward through the room... crack... upper part of room fractured... crack... a little more is fractured, proceeding downward through room... crack... more fractures, now upper half of room is fractured, centered on the original upper opposite corner... crack... getting closer to bed... crack... fractured area touches sleeping dogAND HE'S UP AND MAKING NOISES INSTANTLY, on all four feet, obviously perturbed. Instantly, as the fracturing touched him. Asleep. Deaf. I'd been there an hour, done things etc, and he slept through it all... and yet the fracturing touched him, he woke up like I'd hit him with a glass of icewater.<br />
<br />
This is insane.<br />
<br />
It's getting really hard to discount this. <br />
<br />
>>>Late addition to this: I just recalled that at one point just prior to the events described above, I was sitting with my head turned to my left, looking at the top of a safety railing we have on the bed for our dog. The railing at the time was perhaps a foot and a half from my head. So, very close, visually. I was in a vertically "accordioned" state, multiple versions of myself stacked on top of each other overlapping, moving through this stack of "me's" up and down, looking out through many pairs of my eyes but mainly focused on the vision of one main pair with some interference from nearby ones. As I moved through this stack of "me's" and of my bedroom surroundings, that railing kept changing slightly as I looked through one pair of my eyes, then the next, and the next and so on. Slight changes in angle, in the cloth and mesh covering on the railing, in the wrinkles in it, and so on. Each pair of my eyes, was seeing a different railing. All slight differences, but not so slight as to be easily explained away. A change of angle of several degrees, a half-inch new wrinkle at the end of the cloth cover. Definite differences. I should note also that I was not even blinking my eyes; the changes were literally happening as I looked at the railing, as I shifted "universes."<br />
<br />
So there's that, too. All in all, a very interesting experience much like previous ones, even to waking the dog in many "on cue," but I retained more details because I stood up right at the end and got my wife in the other room and told her about it. (We have a deal where I can wake her up if it's an important experience that I need to talk about)<br />
<br />
INCIDENTALLY: For anybody that can't imagine what my visions are like, I did find something that comes fairly close. Watch the last parts of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwcSki7r9cQ">New Doctor Strange Trailer Here</a>. Where the whole view is warping and interacting. It can be a lot like that, visually. At least in the general "feel."Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-84677156629812206562016-02-14T15:04:00.002-05:002016-02-14T18:08:42.163-05:00Playing With Disk Worlds<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvtNPWbXlNqfoxPT0IDPjYP00hrsTmAiqEv2Ckri39OqndlMRYGkFN7FDLEPt4oC_rkh_H9OEqe-dbDVHr7hvPnhYLpIgTAVd74hQX12aZj5yEiOnlLeaxB2krJ976H5p-eeJK9lkS_L5l/s1600/tumblr_marlkamlSv1rofwkio6_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvtNPWbXlNqfoxPT0IDPjYP00hrsTmAiqEv2Ckri39OqndlMRYGkFN7FDLEPt4oC_rkh_H9OEqe-dbDVHr7hvPnhYLpIgTAVd74hQX12aZj5yEiOnlLeaxB2krJ976H5p-eeJK9lkS_L5l/s320/tumblr_marlkamlSv1rofwkio6_500.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Last night, two small bowls, 50X. <br />
<br />
Started with a one-point internal meditation on the source of my consciousness... gradually I faded out of it into a full vision. I saw portions of the room floating around me as if the room was shattered in planar fractures approximately horizontally in many places throughout, but what they really were was a group of vertical disk-worlds with myself, my sense of "I AM" fully present in all of the pieces, occupying more than eight or ten adjacent universes at once. I was playing with many disk-shaped parallel worlds in a vertical stack, feeling at once as if powerless to stop and also realizing that I was doing it on purpose for the sheer fun of it and also knowing while in that state that I have done this many times before, but was never able to recall it later. <br />
<br />
I spent the next ten minutes or so fighting like hell to keep the memory. This time I did it. I think the totality of what I was doing, the sheer wonder of it all, the sense of awe, hit a trigger for me to fight to retain it, to take it back with me. It took considerable effort.<br />
<br />
So I was in many identical versions of my bedroom and saw through many pairs of my eyes, the room seemingly in parts, many parts, and yet not, for it was as if I was seeing a bunch of "nearby" or adjacent universes stacked together rather than only one at a time, and I was rotating them around myself as an axis somehow, playing with them like colossal misshapen disks. <br />
<br />
To approximately assign dimension to them, let’s say disk-ish shaped volumes of reality, all including identical versions of me in them, each somehow vertically compressed into "disk-oids" perhaps two feet thick and fifteen feet in diameter. Many of them, stacked vertically, with black gaps where they did not fit together, not being flat disks but somewhat wavy and irregular. <br />
<br />
It was not quite like as if the room was somehow entirely solid (even the air) and a giant band-saw had cut slices horizontally through it, it was instead like many, many such solidified rooms were compressed into poorly made round "coins" all somewhat bent out of shape and wavy, each coin being a complete version of my entire worldview compressed, flattened, rounded… then stacked vertically with me, or rather my central consciousness, my "overmind," at the common pivot point near the back of the stack, for such was my perspective in the room. Like someone drove a nail through a stack of disks near the edge, and I was the nail.<br />
<br />
Since “I” was many versions of myself all stacked one upon the other in a vertical manner, my own consciousness was this vertically-extended stack of “me’s” that, since I was perceiving this from a group perspective, was much taller than I myself was, sitting as I was in a straight-backed chair in my bedroom. I was a very tall stack of “me’s” with a single consciousness running through it that was me, only repeated many times, and all of “us” were aware of the others of “us” in the stack and what those others were seeing and sensing, so that somehow “we” remained “I," remained one consciousness, except as shared thoughts in one communal “overmind” or perhaps more accurately “mind-overlap.”<br />
<br />
And this overlapping stacked group mind was playing with the disk worlds that comprised it's group-body like vertebrae, playing with itself, if I can say that and not conjure grossly inaccurate assumptions, by spinning the world-disks in opposing directions. One clockwise, the next one below counterclockwise, and so on in alternating fashion. Spinning disks for fun, but the disks were each a worldview, a universe. A point-of-view.<br />
<br />
I was manipulating a group of my parallel universal viewpoints or worldviews, for pleasure. For fun. <br />
<br />
I was conscious of many versions of myself overlaid, overlapping and occupying similar space in nearby planes, a composite me, a brotherhood of one repeated over and over… I was sharing bandwidth. Picking up nearby stations. Seeing my own self repeated in such a manner, I (composite multiple inter-cooperating "overmind" I) chose to play with it all and spin these disks made out of my overlapping perceptions. I say “I chose” because I can only assume that I must have or I wouldn’t have been doing it, but I certainly have no memory of choosing to do anything of the sort; I became fully conscious of what I was doing while I was already well into doing it.<br />
<br />
Towards the end of this experience, as I managed to sneak a tiny amount of my rationality into the vision and be aware enough of it with my logical analytical mind, I sensed beyond doubt that the nature of reality is a massive communal dream-like state wherein we, or rather all our dreams, fit together almost, but not quite, seamlessly. <br />
<br />
I say dreams, but our consensual reality we all live in is not really a dream. It’s not like a normal sleeping dream, at any rate. It's like a far more focused and realistic version of a dream we all dream together, with limits we ourselves impose on it. It’s just that “dream” or dream-like” is the nearest that language seems to come to the reality of what it truly is.<br />
<br />
I got the very strong sense that we all walk around in a mobile individual dream that we update as we progress through it, and others also do this same thing, and they, or rather we, all interlock somehow. Also, all of us are subconsciously determined that it all fits seamlessly together, for when you think about it, for most people, to doubt the nature of reality itself in a manner like this is tantamount to insanity and therefore is simply terrifying to even contemplate, so we tend not to. <br />
<br />
So out of fear that it won't make sense, it almost always does.<br />
<br />
I knew it was real and true then. There was no doubt at the time, but I cannot say that I know it to be true now, since I am not in that state now and can see in retrospect how it might mislead me... however this time I brought so much more of the memory back with me that I feel more compelled to at least give honest credence to my own memories of it being un-doubtable, since those memories are not normally nearly this clear. I’d done this before. I remember realizing that, as I was doing it again. I’d just never been able to be rational enough to retain it like this, almost intact.<br />
<br />
Salvia Divinorum is an utterly astonishing substance.Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com148tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-47845591389849218012015-10-26T19:25:00.002-04:002015-10-27T01:03:40.494-04:00Welcome to Green World<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy5f52lns7mEwFIGs9EZBq4Aiqlq4Gr2EWcSL897EBsEjjhTyVhfc5kto84EmrjSnMfdJ9sEO3N0npOU10xc1gEXACjz4b-MpSLceZIq9VaAXn68GJ_rL-silx_GoZCXD3quSRxjJ9W-oE/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy5f52lns7mEwFIGs9EZBq4Aiqlq4Gr2EWcSL897EBsEjjhTyVhfc5kto84EmrjSnMfdJ9sEO3N0npOU10xc1gEXACjz4b-MpSLceZIq9VaAXn68GJ_rL-silx_GoZCXD3quSRxjJ9W-oE/s320/images.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Through the years of my experimentation with salvia divinorum and my own consciousness, I have from time to time found myself in a place that I've only shards of memory of. Recently I once again found myself there but somehow managed to awaken a tiny kernel of my analytical mind and ask myself a few questions about the experience. This is what I recall about it now.<br />
<br />
It's a very deep place, seemingly underlying all consciousness, all reality, all dreams, all feelings and sensations. Almost like the static of a television station that is lacking a signal. The baseline of all consciousness. Perhaps like an infinite three-dimensional canvas for all conceivable realities to be painted upon. "The Matrix," in a way. <br />
<br />
I call it Green World, for lack of a better name. It happens when I sink deep within myself, past even my own sense of "I AM" down to just an inchoate sense of pure "I."<br />
<br />
With eyes closed, an inner light, bluish-green in color, is seen in my visual imagination. It just appears, at first a dim glow, soon intensifying to a bright sparkling static-filled three-dimensional world with nothing in it but the basic structure of reality, thin interlocking green and red threads, tiny filaments, so tiny, but everywhere, making up dim shapes in this glowing world.<br />
<br />
The sparkling blue-green glow replaces my body, beginning at the forehead and region of my eyes. My body thus is dissolved into the glow. I have no body at all. Where my body should be, is the green light, sparkling with energy, glowing, potent. I have no eyes to see, but do not need them. I feel the energy, the tingling, an electrical sensation, in lieu of a body. I am one with this world, because this world is made up of pure "I." Pure Identity. I sense that strongly. <br />
<br />
There is an associated aural sensation, not a sound but a sense of a sound, hard to describe. It seems like nonsense syllables, but I've heard them before in prior visits here. Something akin to "elektraglyzsendee" or parts of that, but that's not it, there is no real way to describe this. I've "heard" it many times, but it remains indescribable. When I sense the almost-sound of this nonsense phrase, I feel it in my core, it goes right through me, through all of this inner Green World, like a muted kind of teeth-on-tinfoil sensation. It seems to mean something, to be significant somehow, no idea how though.<br />
<br />
Oh, another thing. Green World is always terrifying. I never knew why before, but I do now.<br />
<br />
There is always terror upon arriving here. Primal Terror and strong deja-vu. In my early days, that was hard to overcome, but I've done this a few times before, even though it is difficult to recall specifics. I have a kind of experience, a 'feel' for it now. <br />
<br />
So I feel the terror, tell myself it cannot harm me, embrace it, and it passes me by. Much better. <br />
<br />
Why is this Green World terrifying? Good question, yet one I'd never been aware enough to able to ask myself while being here before. This time however I managed to ask myself that question while I was in a position to answer it. This time I was aware enough to ask it, and figure out the answer. I even managed to ask myself in the moment about the clarity of the answer I was receiving, and it was very clear indeed, like a clear memory.<br />
<br />
The terror I feel when I come here is because of all the many times I'd come here previously when I'd just died. <br />
<br />
Green World is terrifying because normally we only find ourselves here because we've just died. <br />
<br />
Or rather, because one of our dreams of being alive has just ended. <br />
<br />
Same thing.<br />
<br />
It's like it's the Blank Slate we experience while on "layover."<br />
<br />
This I clearly sensed as soon as I asked. Death and Life. The dead tarry here, in this deep realm, and the living also, but they are unaware of it, being focused on other things. <br />
<br />
We are all here, all the time. Only our dreams differ. If you dream deeply enough to believe you're awake, you will not see or sense Green World, but here you are regardless. You can't leave it, because it *is* you. It is everything, and yet most of all, it is nothing. <br />
<br />
In my prior visions, when I've seen green light, waves or currents of it, it came from this Green World, from this underlying strata of reality that intersects everything. This I sensed as well. <br />
<br />
Green World is Identity, pure "I." It is not my personal identity, it is the identity that is the real structure of dreams, all dreams, including real-seeming ones like this life. It is pure mind, rendered visible. It is not our dream, for we do not dream it; it dreams us. It is not only the deepest core of my being, but also of yours, and everybody and everything. <br />
<br />
Or so it seems to one person making deep-dives into his own mind, at any rate. No proof of course. Just very interesting to me, and who knows, perhaps to you as well.Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-2922639581573097402015-07-21T20:39:00.001-04:002015-09-04T19:21:12.269-04:00The Tiny Torus Of The Self<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW6kTHCM9LAboHBhv9DZU4cAHpfr6z0-ZmIKaISWUr8OnEHu3Lc6UCiiEBtpFtATJGd75CzHs2R4yO1qBgyhZ_jczgPFPdLKV0lSKF_7WM_aDbmTkyhf2pNlRABoJwsSxz_nTqGNwtjveI/s1600/volcano-ring.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW6kTHCM9LAboHBhv9DZU4cAHpfr6z0-ZmIKaISWUr8OnEHu3Lc6UCiiEBtpFtATJGd75CzHs2R4yO1qBgyhZ_jczgPFPdLKV0lSKF_7WM_aDbmTkyhf2pNlRABoJwsSxz_nTqGNwtjveI/s320/volcano-ring.jpg" /></a></div><br />
EXPLORING THE CENTER POINT<br />
<br />
Last night, seated meditation in bed.<br />
<br />
Focusing on my inner self, my identity, attempting to perceive my consciousness with my consciousness, I went through a period in which all my surroundings became cartoon-like or dream-like, with no loss of detail. This has happened in the past, and indeed is fairly common. <br />
<br />
As I settled into rhythmic breathing, I closed my eyes and went within myself, far within, seeking my own source. This is a fairly common meditation for me. In the past I've often gone so deep and so far that I perceived a tiny single point, the very center point of my being, what I think of as my "I AM" point because in order to see it I must free my mind of all concepts except my own basic sense of identity and pursue only that. Salvia is so powerful in this particular manner, it gives you what amounts to almost a super-power of concentration. With salvia I can narrow my focus to only one exclusive concept and simply not think of anything else, at will. <br />
<br />
So there I am floating in the black void of my inner self, starred as always by the millions of tiny lights that I always see even when I'm in normal mind. The remains of my old childhood hallucinations, the leftovers of my old visions. I'm floating in this, this vast expanse of what looks like space but unlike space I can feel it as if it were part of my body. I sense the currents and swirls and movements of my "astral plane" for lack of a better term. I focus on my source, and let everything else fall away. It's effortless. I no longer know my own name, that I even have a name. I am a point, a floating viewpoint, in this vast cavern that is my own mind. <br />
<br />
I sense something different, floating in front of me in this space. What can it be? It looks like a smoke ring, perhaps three-quarters of an inch in apparent diameter. A smoke ring floating in the space of my mind. I can feel it twisting there. I see it twisting in on itself constantly, as an actual smoke ring usually does. It's a floating torus, spinning not on its axis, but spinning around the center of the toroidal tube that makes up the ring itself.<br />
<br />
I approach closer to it. Now it's right in front of me. I can feel it there, twisting in on itself there in front of me. <br />
<br />
Then something really strange happened. <br />
<br />
It seemed to suck me in, to suck in the floating viewpoint that was all I was in that space. I became one with the torus, and all of a sudden I was twisting and torquing within it as if it, were me. <br />
<br />
I distinctly remember the feeling of being turned inside-out when it happened. It is an incredibly unusual feeling to cope with.<br />
<br />
Then it happened again. I remember thinking "inside out and inside out and inside out and inside out..." many times as I experienced the chaos of being a twisting smoke ring, a torus of energy, feeling my entire being twisting itself inside-out over and over and over. <br />
<br />
Eventually I decided to disengage with it and wake up to full consciousness, and did so. All I remember thinking at the time was, it was like I finally found the very center of my being, and it was a spinning torus of constant self-inversion, spinning smoke-ring-like in the quasi-darkness of the deepest recesses of my mind. <br />
<br />
Overall, a very interesting experience, rather pleasant. Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-83753202885849162862015-07-10T13:38:00.000-04:002015-07-10T13:51:49.671-04:00Another Kind Of DistanceRecently:<br />
<br />
Sitting in silent meditation, 100X. I'm playing around with what feels like a field around my body, a field that I can feel as if it were a part of me. I move it to the left and to the right, feeling it move, feeling it like an extension of my will. Then suddenly I feel myself, sitting there, suddenly shrink down to microscopic proportions, and seep through the floor of the room into an identical but far smaller version of my room. So there I am, having just filtered down through the ceiling, sitting there, and it happened again. Once again I shrank down, seemed to filter through the bed and floor as if it were a permeable membrane, and wound up where I started, sitting on my bed in my room, wife asleep by my side. Then again, it happened. And again. <br />
<br />
I seemed to shrink, again and again, and seep down through the material plane I was in and fall into a far smaller, identical one!<br />
<br />
Of course, each new plane of reality, while immeasurably smaller than the preceding one, was completely normal to me once I entered it, because I was so much smaller too.<br />
<br />
It's an amazing feeling, to feel your whole body shrink suddenly down to microbe size or less, over and over, four or five times. I never experienced that before.<br />
<br />
So that was interesting.<br />
<br />
This brings us to last night.<br />
<br />
Once again, sitting on the bed cross-legged. Reality around me morphs into an extension of my head, seeming to be all a part of my head, or passing through my head. I see reality in a confused daze of reality-chunks, pieces of the surrounding room arranged seemingly at random around me, physically touching my eyes and head. One such chunk was the size of my whole cheek, touching my cheek, blended with it somehow. Confusing. <br />
<br />
In this state of *blending* with my surroundings, a common state for me while meditating on salvia, I get the clearest sense of my reality not being outside my head and body at all, but instead all in my head, or rather all in my mind, *including* my head and body. Of it all being a mirage, a figment of my imagination, even down to my physical body. <br />
<br />
As this state started to abate, and I became more aware and lucid, I could feel my body as usual in its seated position on the bed. I had not moved. My normal sense of kinesthesia returned, my body-sense became clear again. But what's this? I feel my body seated on the bed in my room, but I also feel many other bodies, many others of my body, all seated on the bed, all in *almost* the same identical posture but not quite. They all differ slightly, some very slightly. So once again, I sense a "cloud of me's" or many "me's" all seated in the same location. <br />
<br />
I was sitting in one place, many times over. Not all identical sitting postures, but very similar. It should be noted that I could also clearly sense this, that all these bodies of mine were not in perfectly identical postures. I could "see" (in my mind) where others differed. One positioned slightly to the left, another with part of my right arm not in the same exact place, and so on. None differed greatly, but all differed at least slightly.<br />
<br />
I have been in this state many times in the past. It's even rather comfortable for me now. This time was different though. This time I could also very clearly sense the distance between each of my bodies. <br />
<br />
I could clearly feel the distance between my many bodies that were all sitting in the same physical location.<br />
<br />
Think about that for a minute.<br />
<br />
This sense of distance was incredibly clear. Think of holding your arms apart with your eyes closed. You can clearly sense the distance between your two hands, even if you cannot tell it's exact length in centimeters or inches. There's no mistake that your hands are well apart, you can clearly feel that even with your eyes shut. <br />
<br />
This was the same degree of certainty. <br />
<br />
So I'm sitting there in many, many bodies, all in the same almost identical physical location in my bedroom on my bed, but I'm sensing the distance between each body. It wasn't a long distance... perhaps a couple of feet. However, and this is key, this "distance" wasn't in my normal three-dimensional world. It was not a distance in any spatial direction that I had access to. In my normal 3-D world, this distance was in a "hidden" direction, as real as anything I could point to, but not really *in* my regular world. I could not point in the direction that I sensed the distance, for that direction did not exist. <br />
<br />
It was another kind of distance, in a hidden direction. I could feel it so clearly; it was not to the left or to the right or up or down or to the front or the rear. It was a distance to "elsewhere" that had no direction.<br />
<br />
This is not a concept that lends itself well to our languages, but I experienced, clear as day, the distance between the planes of my own multi-plane or multiversal existence. <br />
<br />
And I did so with all the clarity that you're experiencing now, reading this. <br />
<br />
This is why I love salvia divinorum. Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-70393175714588277492015-06-18T02:26:00.001-04:002016-08-21T15:31:09.875-04:00Reality is Mathematics is ConsciousnessExistence exists because it is impossible for mathematics not to exist.<br />
<br />
Even in absolute nothingness lies the concept of mathematics.<br />
<br />
Reality is this concept.<br />
<br />
Mathematics *is* consciousness, brought into being by the very necessity of its existence even in the face of all else being gone. <br />
<br />
Nothing actually exists anywhere. No thing is real. <br />
<br />
The only reality is that which is brought into being by the necessity of the existence of mathematics even in absolute void.<br />
<br />
We are the interplay of mathematics so complex and interwoven that it is the equivalent of what we think of as "thought."<br />
<br />
Reality is therefore a dreamlike state of mathematical interplay and development, a dream. A true dream as unreal as any sleeping dream. <br />
<br />
Here's the secret: We never are truly awake. We just believe that we are. <br />
<br />
We just awaken to the point where our reality is familiar and is rational and logical and makes sense to us and has continuity with our previous experiences and meshes with other consciousnesses' dreams that we are associated with in the overall story we participate in that we call our life. <br />
<br />
Reality, waking reality, is merely our most ordered dream which we all share. <br />
<br />
We insist it not be magical, we insist it make sense. So it does.<br />
<br />
If it failed to meet our definition of reality we would retreat in terror of existential crisis. So it doesn't.<br />
<br />
Hence, it's a very realistic dream.<br />
<br />
Precisely as realistic as is needed to convince each one of us individually, in fact. That is all it's needed to be.<br />
<br />
We are mathematics, which turns out to be consciousness, which turns out to be as real as anything ever gets. <br />
<br />
Our next moments in time are generated by the mathematics (the physics) of the previous ones, with all possible results being realized in it's own dimension, or perhaps more accurately, at its own frequency.<br />
<br />
A mathematical multiverse.<br />
<br />
I wonder if this will make sense tomorrow.<br />
<br />
********************<br />
Note: If this concept interests you, you might like to read <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Our-Mathematical-Universe-Ultimate-Reality/dp/0307599809">THIS BOOK</a><br />
<br />
"Our Mathematical Universe" by cosmologist Max Tegmark. Read the editorial reviews on the Amazon page linked above. Note the names of the reviewers. This concept, likely or not, is utterly credible. It just requires a paradigm shift.<br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-31516565418497911442015-05-23T19:13:00.004-04:002015-05-27T20:16:10.132-04:00I Am Made Of Information, And So Are YouMeditating in seated position, cross-legged on the bed. 100X as usual.<br />
<br />
I feel the room around me and my sleeping wife and dog as all being inside my mind, in my head, not "out there" in any way. Even my head, is all in my mind. I sense many of me, many such rooms, splashes of me all over, dashes of me everywhere. I sense the room around me and my body as being part of the same thing, being one with everything else. <br />
<br />
I've been getting this for a while now, all the time. Last night was the most clear, easiest to recall. <br />
<br />
Then a subtle shift. The room, my body, my wife, the dog, all of these things are now seen as they really are, as thoughts, descriptions of themselves. I sense that we are all descriptions, stories if you will. We are all each collections of data, thoughts, and that is all we are. We exist within what can only be described as a *mind* but not like our minds, far vaster, containing all "things" within itself, all such collections of data that describe all things, in a sea of data describing our surroundings. Everything that exists, is thought, is data. I feel myself as words, descriptions, thought, data. Everything is like this, nothing is not like this. <br />
<br />
I feel waves and ripples in that sea of thought, waves that move through my room and through my body. I feel the thought that comprises me, my personal collection of data that describes me as different than anything else, my "body" if you will, be penetrated by these waves; they flow through me, and the "stuff" that is me, "waves" and ripples along with them. I feel the substance of my body being not substance at all, nothing like a substance, everything both inside me and out is insubstantial. <br />
<br />
It hits me; nothing truly exists as we believe it does. Only mind exists, only being, and within that mind we are collections of data, of thought. Basically, we are the sum of the thoughts that describe us. <br />
<br />
My body does not exist, my wife does not exist, the world does not exist, except within our minds, which are within a vaster mind, much like programs in a database of some sort. <br />
<br />
This mind we are a part of has always existed, it is the default setting of all reality, the most basic level of existence. Since it has always been, there was no single point where creation started. <br />
<br />
So what is it about me, about this collection of data, that feels like a person, that feels like my self? <br />
<br />
From what I can sense it is a part of us that is self-descriptive and self-referential both. I describe myself to myself and believe it, then I constantly reinforce my reality to myself in an unending descending spiral of self-affirmation and belief. <br />
<br />
For some reason, belief is very important to existence. I often sense myself battling in deep meditation with my own ability to believe, adjusting it 'just so' much like one would adjust a radio dial. Too much belief, image is lost; just enough and you can see the story play out. Belief is more than we think it is. Far more important to existence than we know. <br />
<br />
I've had unimaginable battles deep within myself trying to fine-tune my own belief so as to attain understanding of my own mind. Adjusting my belief in whatever it is I'm sensing, a little more here, a little less there, to be able to see it manifest to myself. What I sense about belief is that it underlies all reality, so then it can be said that a disbelief in such things as I seek to understand here, would absolutely prevent us ever even beginning to see it. <br />
<br />
What I mean here is, yes, it's absolutely true: A disbeliever in these things can never see these things, but instead will see whatever it is they believe they will see. <br />
<br />
A scientist would accuse me of hedging. No. I truly sense that in order to sense what reality actually *is,* one must first believe that whatever it *is,* is at least possible. Why have I seen the infinitely malleable, deceptive, belief-dependent nature of reality? Because I believed it to be possible that reality is like that. Why do I think it might be true? Because unlike all other options, this option explains all others as well as itself. If I tried believing in such a thing and it manifested itself to me as it did, then it also explains all other options, all other possible manifestations of reality, from science to god, for such a reality is infinitely *deceptive* in nature. <br />
<br />
It explains Maya, which has so effectively deceived us all. <br />
<br />
---------------------<br />
NOTE: <a href="http://www.space.com/29477-did-information-create-the-cosmos.html">*THIS*</a> has just come to my attention. It relates.Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-71414874463072330802014-12-13T23:19:00.001-05:002014-12-16T13:49:57.585-05:00Synesthesia Play Gets RealTwo nights ago, 100X, sitting upright in bed.<br />
<br />
I'm doing one-point meditation on a point between my two eyes, which seems to raise energy in my body. I see a bright star above my head, a channel of bright light running down my spine, and what looks like a red giant star in my general stomach/perineum area. I sense this as similar to electrical currents running through me. <br />
<br />
There is a pale bluish-green field around me, basically covering my whole field of view as I sit in stillness. Like an oval green bubble perhaps. This simmers with tiny sparkles of light similar to static on a television screen. I can see this field and also feel it somehow, in a hard-to-describe manner. <br />
<br />
I turn my head to the right and raise my left hand, which is therefore out of my field of view completely. I can clearly see my raised left hand with my skin. Well, perhaps not my skin, but with my whole body, as if my whole body could sense light like the retinas of my eyes, only not nearly as sensitively. I begin moving my fingers in a random manner. I can see them moving. I hold up different numbers of fingers and marvel at how clearly I can see them. I continue to play around with this kinesthesia effect for a while, my mind becoming more and more interested in it, and more and more quiet as a result. <br />
<br />
Suddenly I noticed that I could feel my fingers moving inside my head, physically inside my head. I've noticed this phenomena many times before, that any physical movement of any part of my body can be felt in the mind as a "wriggling" sensation, and also in various random parts of the rest of the body as if the feeling is mirrored all over. <br />
<br />
So I've noticed that moving my left index finger (for example) results in a wriggling feeling behind my left eye/forehead area, the next finger slightly further to the left, and so on. <br />
<br />
While doing this, something new came to my attention. I'm sensing fluctuations in the enclosing green field when I move my fingers. As I play around with that effect, I actually start to see, all over that green field's left side, small shadowy images of my moving right hand! There were many such images, many smaller shadow-hands moving on that green "surface." It was as if it were the wall of an aquarium filled with dense greenish smoke and there were small people inside the tank touching it with their hands. That best describes it visually. <br />
<br />
All the hands were moving in a mirror image of my still-moving left hand. More and more of them appeared, causing the effect to expand toward my right side to encompass the entire greenish field. I could see them, and I could also feel them as a moving field of "wriggling" sensations, almost like they were all my actual hand and I was simply feeling them as normal hands. As this area of moving images of my actual moving hand proceeded across my field of view toward my wife, she made a startled noise in her sleep. So I stopped completely. I don't really like waking her up, nor is she very fond of it either. <br />
<br />
Then I began again, and again the "field of hands" moved across my vision to my right, got close to my wife, and again she made a noise in her sleep. <br />
<br />
I repeated this two more times, and got two more noises. <br />
<br />
On the next attempt, as the "field of hands" approached my wife, our dog, which was asleep near her, awakened and started choking and coughing, a lot. More of a violent retching actually. He's a pug, so that's hardly an impossible thing to happen, but the fact that it was so perfectly "on cue" and timed at the precise moment that the field reached him, was enough for me to stop these experiments for the evening. Of course, wouldn't you know it, the pug woke up my wife anyhow. <br />
<br />
<br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com154tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-63064683140017513542014-12-11T01:42:00.001-05:002014-12-12T15:29:50.455-05:00How I Think On Salvia (An Example): Feedback Cycles of the Mind(Typed at 2AM in a light trance-like state)(Speculations on the Self and the Mind)<br />
<br />
-------------------<br />
<br />
The nature of The Self is that of an infinite spiral of self-observation. <br />
<br />
If one wishes to descend to the depths of one's own consciousness, one way to this end is to contemplate yourself observing the world. At first you look out your eyes and see the world. Then you wonder, who is it that is observing the world through these eyes? Then you say, "I am here, like a small person in my head, observing through these eyes." However then it is incumbent upon you to realize that you are speaking of this small "you" not as this small person, but as an observer of this small person. It is as if now you are standing next to that person in your head describing him. So you now ask, "Who then is observing the person that is observing the world through these eyes?" And the cycle begins. For now the next question becomes "Who is the person that is observing the person that is observing the person that is observing the world through these eyes?" and so on, ad infinitum, for there is always another person observing the person, there is always a deeper level of realization and observation and heightened perspective; it never ends. There is always another person standing next to that little person in your head describing the last one. I've been able to hold six or seven of them in my head at once, but that in no way limits their number, merely my ability to visualize. They go on forever, for how could they not?<br />
<br />
In a likewise manner, when you focus on yourself, close your eyes and focus on who is doing the focusing, try to turn your own consciousness back upon itself and "see the see-er" as it were, you create a similar cycle of regressive (or perhaps descending) self-observation, only in this case it's more like a feedback cycle in a sound system. You focus on yourself, and as you observe the being that is observing the being that is observing the being... as you enter into and descend through this cycle, there is a phenomena of energy, a pressure in one's mind, a white noise effect, even an auditory whine verging on the ultrasonic at the edge of human perception. A feedback effect. The more you are able to focus on yourself, the more pronounced the effects. <br />
<br />
I'm coming to realize that these phenomena of mental or consciousness feedback cycles, similar to that which is encountered in sound systems, are important to the phenomena of consciousness and even the existence of the self. <br />
<br />
As far as we know, only humans ever even think to attempt to become conscious of their "inner observer" or self, so perhaps only humans experience these types of feedback cycles in the mind. Such a cycle seems to give depth to our consciousness, and even a sense of permanence in our minds. The feeling that we are infinite, for example. <br />
<br />
Other types of mental feedback cycles can have disastrous effects upon the mind rather than formative or preservative ones; in essence they can destroy the existing mind and re-order it's basic 'wiring.' This is psychosis, or a break from reality, a break from the normal order of the mind, and can be irreparable and dangerous. I've experienced a hint of this type off feedback cycle in the past with salvia,*** and I feel it is the psychological basis of insanity, what it feels like in the mind rather than what it is defined as scientifically. The mental mechanism, if you will. In these cases though, fear is always involved in the cycle. So then you have a random thought for some reason that is repugnant to you or that you very desperately seek to rid yourself from; both fear and guilt can be involved in this desire. The thought repels you, so you seek to *not think it.* This is however futile, for the more you seek to rid yourself of it the more it comes to dominate you, literally feeding off the feedback-cycle of fear until it comes to control your mind utterly and completely, essentially shattering your old frames of reference and creating newer and more chaotic ones. You *snap.* <br />
<br />
<br />
***This side of feedback cycles spoken of before <a href="http://salviaspace.blogspot.com/2014/09/strange-stuff.html">HERE</a> under "DEMON" and "The Potential Ghost."Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-47918339485059254962014-11-29T10:45:00.001-05:002014-11-29T13:38:01.141-05:00Perception Of EnergyLast night, typical salvia experience, 100X. Typical, but I recall it very well, which is not typical. The more I do this, the better I become at recall. <br />
<br />
I inhaled my last hit of salvia and felt that it would be a strong experience, felt the dizzying rush hit me, and suppressed it long enough to get into bed next to my sleeping wife, got into a comfortable upright crossed-legs sitting position, then allowed it to take full effect. <br />
<br />
Instantly I sensed my wife's body heat both physically and visually, actually seeing it as a glow and feeling it on my skin as if it were sunlight. It was as if when I allowed the salvia to take effect, someone had thrown a switch and she lit up like a weak fluorescent tube. My body stopped feeling like a body. It felt like I was made of a cloud of sparkling energy, like static on an old television set only three-dimensional. My senses were hyper-attuned. <br />
<br />
Looking more-or-less at a point on the wall in front of me, I felt my face dissolve in a cloud of static and saw the wall with my entire facial area as if it were one huge eye. Then the room around me, my whole panoramic view of it, seemed to become a solid thing intersecting with my head, like a solid but transparent cone with it's apex anchored at the very back of my head, interpenetrating my flesh. I could physically feel it as a solid, feel it interpenetrating my facial area and the interior of my head. <br />
<br />
My entire reality took on an illusory quality, not unreal or cartoonish but more like a projection, and this included my head and body, so they blended into one continuous static-like sparkling energy field. My point-of-view had also shifted; instead of being "pressed up against the window of my eyes" as it usually is, it receded as if I'd taken a few steps back from that window toward the back of my head. My peripheral vision became clearer and eventually very sharp, though not as sharp as my normal focal point vision is; still, much sharper than normal peripheral vision. I still seemed to be viewing the world through my whole facial area. <br />
<br />
Slightly glowing green shapes filled the room, moving about, sometimes intersecting with parts of my body or passing through my head. I could feel them as they touched me, and indeed I could feel them inside of me as they passed through me. At first they moved about randomly but after a few minutes I realized that I could control their motion to some extent, and practiced doing so. It was somewhat difficult. Twice a green shape passed through my torso and through my heart, and each time as it did my heart skipped one short beat, as if it felt it, which it indeed seemed to. <br />
<br />
Then out of the corner of my eye to my right as I looked straight ahead, beyond my wife's sleeping body I saw an arm rise up and move about. I could also see it's shadow on the opposite wall to my left, since the light source in the room was a lamp on the dresser to the right of the bed. I turned my head and noted that it had seemed to be my wife's arm that had momentarily moved upwards in her sleep, so I dismissed it as that and re-directed my eyes forward. Then I once again noted the arm moving about, only this time I didn't look at it directly, observing it only through peripheral vision. This time it was definitely not my wife's arm. It grew longer, longer than an arm is supposed to be. It looked brownish and dessicated, slender, almost skeletal, with a claw-like hand. I realized that this should scare me but I seemed to have this machine-like dispassionate inner calm, and so I merely observed it flailing about for a short while, still casting its shadow. All I could muster in response was an attitude of a mixture of confidence, fascination and amusement. It went away. <br />
<br />
Then I closed my eyes and started a one-point meditation. Gradually my state became trance-like and I saw <i>and felt</i> an area in front of me darken to deepest black, but a black sparkling with energy, a black field filled with effervescent sparks that seemed to have almost an electrical quality to it, as if it were the very archetype of energy itself. This black sparkling field grew to encompass my face, centered at a point between my eyes, or rather where my eyes should have been. My head was humming with energy. My entire body began to thrum with this vibratory energy as if I were tapping into it, and so I focused my mind on increasing it still more. The black field grew in size, and my head and body felt like strong electrical currents were running through them, albeit in a fairly pleasant manner. I felt like I was being charged like a battery. <br />
<br />
In the past when I tried to raise energy like this it always affected my heart as if I were running or exercising, but this time it did not bother me in the least. I felt more and more of this pseudoelectrical energy running through me, originating at the point between my eyes where the blackness was, but I reached a point where no matter the effort that I put into it I could not increase it further, and so it gradually faded. <br />
<br />
This latter part of the experience left me so charged with inner energy that it took me two hours to fall asleep afterwards.<br />
<br />
All of these things except the spooky raised moving hand and arm I had seen many times before, but I've never been able to recall them precisely enough to write them down. I'm also sure that I saw and felt other things last night that I'm not recalling now. <br />
<br />
Altogether a pleasant experience. Well, except the arm. After it was over I thought about that creepy arm moving about, and got a serious case of gooseflesh. <br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-67796815839728568842014-11-15T22:27:00.000-05:002014-11-19T18:24:47.119-05:00Will Equals CertaintyNovember 12, 2014, late evening, 100x<br />
<br />
I sit cross-legged on my bed, and begin meditating. As always, as the salvia takes effect my world changes, becoming pixelated and less real-seeming, and my mind begins to seemingly blend in with my surroundings. The lighting begins to take on an eerie greenish tint; moving dim shapes composed of a slightly glowing more strongly greenish mist move about the room and occasionally move through me. I know from experience that at higher doses these very same greenish clouds resolve themselves into complete realities, parallel worlds, planes of existence, sometimes apparently even populated ones, moving in random directions through me and around me, and ultimately I tend to just skip off into one of those realities at random and cruise about. Meandering much like a train of thought flits from subject to subject, I pass from world to world, body to body, destined to remember little of it all other than the definite fact that I had experienced these things (and indeed much more) as details seem to slip sand-like through my fingers on returning from these journeys. The more I grasp at them, the more they elude me, until all that's left is clear memories of the sense of wonder I'd felt and little else. <br />
<br />
Not tonight, however. Tonight I remain in my body, albeit in a trance-like state of deep concentration, and those realities were barely visible as mere twists of glowing greenish smoke moving about me. I remained like this for perhaps fifteen minutes, perfectly still and enraptured with the sense of incredible inner peace and tranquility that characterizes this stage of the experience, and then I began to become more conscious of the world around me, gradually beginning to think again in a more normal manner. At this point I thought of my wife sleeping next to me, and whether I could wake her up intentionally as had happened several times before in various ways. Without even intending it, but seemingly as a reaction to my thought about awakening my wife, I then felt something like a pressure gradient or a reverse-tension of some sort between myself and my wife's sleeping form, and sensing that I then somehow applied an almost-impossible-to-describe counter-pressure of my own against this perceived force. It was as if I was expanding my own self in a wave of force, like breathing out with the whole body and using my exhalation to push against a similar resisting force. I felt <i>and saw</i> the interface of my pressure and the resisting force as a grayish misty shadow moving like a slow wave from my body towards hers. It was not steady progress, however. It proceeded in fits and starts as I gained and then lost ground. I soon realized that I seemed to be only able to apply pressure when I had absolutely zero doubt that I was able to apply pressure. Zero doubt. Any tiny sliver of doubt in what I was doing, and all progress halted and then reversed. <br />
<br />
So I began to practice not having any doubt whatsoever. <br />
<br />
After a short time working on it, I started to become consistently certain that I could indeed do this, that I was capable of accomplishing this, and so with that certainty my progress became almost constant and I was able to move the grayish interface more steadily toward my sleeping wife. I doggedly remained certain with only a few tiny moments of doubt which I quickly clamped down on hard, and so after all that effort it finally reached her. <br />
<br />
As the wave touched her body and "washed" over it, she started awake. Fully awake. I reiterate, at the <i>precise</i> moment it touched her, she awakened. Precisely as I expected her to. <br />
<br />
I immediately ceased all "pressure."<br />
<br />
I admit that she had not been asleep long, but she definitely had been asleep, and she's a very heavy sleeper. An ideal test subject in that regard. <br />
<br />
(By the way, she was not amused)<br />
<br />
Yes, so of course, this is impossible. I know. And yet, it happens. Not often, the mental state required is difficult to attain for me, however it certainly seems to happen every now and then. A bit different script every time, but identical results. <br />
<br />
I learned something new this time, though. <br />
<br />
Remember that part where I could only apply force when I had no doubt? I now understand what the meaning of "Will" is in a magical context. In the sense that it is used in ceremonial magic, the Will is identical to Certainty. Identical. How certain you are that you <i>can</i> do it, is how likely it is that you <i>will</i> do it. Certitude is Will. Will equals Certainty. <br />
<br />
Not that I believe in ceremonial magic. I try to not believe in anything. I see it, at least some of it, as a useful and fairly efficient system of belief-manipulation. Self-manipulation. Self-hypnosis, if you will. The point? The goal of ceremonial magic, at least how I see it? <br />
<br />
Certainty, oddly enough. Certainty in the face of rising doubt and an improbable goal. Certainty that a thought can change reality. <br />
<br />
Does it? Is it? I suppose these many times that something like this has happened could all be a highly improbable coincidence of some sort, perhaps combined with confirmation bias on my part, but I try to eliminate that sort of thing as much as possible up front, so while I can't be absolutely sure that I'm actually definitely awakening my wife or my dog or even sometimes both with mere <i>thought</i>, it certainly seems so to me. It's a very dramatic and amazing thing when you see and sense your mind just reach out to another person and jostle her awake, and have it happen precisely on cue. Hard to dismiss, I assure you.<br />
<br />
I should note that I don't "practice" this and fail over and over and then have it happen and report it to you. I get into the right mental state only rarely, and when I do sometimes it doesn't occur to me to even try anything other than enjoy the experience. No, this state of mind where I'm still in my body but reality seems more a part of my mind than it does an external thing, and I'm seeing the greenish ghosts of other worlds floating around my room, just happens to happen, and then I have to happen to think of awakening my wife, and then it always works. Whenever I can perceive a wave in the air moving toward her, she always awakens when it hits her. It just doesn't happen often.<br />
<br />
In the past, as recorded in earlier posts here, I'd awaken her "passively" by merely seeing a wave move through the room and her awakening when it hit her. More recently I am the cause of that wave, and I determine its progress. <br />
<br />
UPDATE:NOVEMBER 19:<br />
Last night I took my last fairly large hit of salvia and sat in my bed. After a few minutes, suddenly a rippling semicircular distortion appeared in the air in front of me and progressed downwards toward the foot of the bed. By chance it happened to contact my sleeping dog, and he immediately twisted his body, made a noise, and woke up looking at me. I then decided to awaken my wife to tell her about this, and I noted that there were many of her, in the sense that her sleeping form was repeated over and over again, progressing in a semi-circle that disappeared over my head. So I reached out the many of my right arms and touched the many of her sleeping bodies and woke the many of her up and told the many of her about it all. Her multiple repeating bodies reminded me of an opened hand-fan, repeating themselves over and over in a crescent as they did. Even while in this vision I could still communicate with her and describe it all. Incidentally, touching the many of her shoulders with the many of my right hands felt like touching a wall of flesh, like a picket fence of bodies; many touches all felt by my many right hands at once. <br />
<br />
Still have no idea what all this means. Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com54tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-91606294987449971932014-10-03T19:52:00.003-04:002016-08-07T15:51:16.732-04:00Two Nights, Two VisionsNight before last, several small doses and then one larger dose, 100X:<br />
<br />
I am sitting on my bed cross-legged. The room is almost totally dark, something unusual for me. <br />
<br />
As I sit there breathing deeply and regularly, the room around me seems to darken further. Shadows begin to move and lengthen, producing an exceedingly creepy atmosphere. Suddenly I hear noises, the mewling of a child, other children joining in, faint wails of fear perhaps. The room keeps getting darker and eventually begins to distort, walls changing shape, the room no longer a normal rectangular box shape. <br />
<br />
This continued and I began to feel a rising panic; something about the auditory hallucinations is more frightening than the normal visual ones. Eerily realistic, I later learned that actual (real) sounds had come from another room where my wife was at the time, but they were apparently distorted during my experience to the eerie cries and moans.<br />
<br />
This vision reminded me of the last scene of the movie "Ghost" where the bad guy gets hauled off by demons; the creepy sounds, the weird shadows moving and growing longer, and so forth. A fairly scary experience.<br />
<br />
At the point where I had had enough I willed myself to get up out of bed and shakily walked to the light on the bureau and turned it on, and then the overhead light as well. Vision gone. <br />
<br />
I think that maybe it's not such a good idea to use salvia divinorum in the dark anymore. I think it tends to bring on darker visions, more frightening ones. <br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
Last night, again several smaller doses and then one larger one, 100X:<br />
<br />
This was an interesting but short experience, one I think bears reporting. Initially I had been in the depths of a dreamlike state of which I can recall no detail. It happens. However as I was coming out of it, I clearly and distinctly recall going through a stage of waking up. And waking up again. And again. And again. To be clear, this was not me waking up repeatedly and then going back into my sleep-like state. I would awaken, feel myself waking up, see the room around me, my wife and dog asleep on the bed beside me, and then I would realize that <i>this wasn't it yet. </i> What I mean to say is, I'd awaken in my room, realize that I was still "in vision," then wake up again still in my room, once again realize it wasn't real, and do it over again, and again. Each time the room seemed or "felt" a bit "realer" although it certainly looked the same, until finally I awakened one last time to the "real" room. Or was it? No way to tell, really. <br />
<br />
The interesting thing is, I can find no difference between any of the previous "false" ones and the final one. They were all equally realistic but in the earlier cases I just sensed somehow that it wasn't the realest one and continued to awaken over and over until it was <i>real enough.</i> Only then did I stop. <br />
<br />
I wonder if I could have awakened yet again. I wonder if all the rooms that I saw were as real as the last one I chose. Each awakening felt much as it does when one normally awakens from a dream, and each room certainly seemed completely real... however then I'd awaken yet again and be in another totally realistic "dream" of my room that I again needed to awaken from. <br />
<br />
It felt like all versions of my room <i>including the last one,</i> were dreams, and yet, I'm still in that last one, aren't I? <br />
<br />
LATE ADDITION EDIT: I realize that I neglected to make something clear, something very important about the above experience. All those times I awakened, I opened my eyes, ***but I had never closed them.*** I opened my eyes, then opened them again, and then again, and again, over and over, never having once ***closed them.*** This is what made the whole thing so incredible in the first place. Important point. <br />
<br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-58142828410147905232014-09-20T22:55:00.001-04:002014-09-20T22:55:34.054-04:00Cough InterruptedWednesday, September 3, 2014<br />
Cough Interrupted<br />
<br />
I haven't written in a while, mostly because there was nothing really new to report. I still consistently get multiverse visions in which I exist as a "cloud of me's" all in one location, with many pairs of eyes, many bodies, many minds, but with a core personality if you will, one central part of my mind that is in common perhaps, with all of my minds. My vision skips around between the many versions of myself, between my many pairs of eyes, so reality seems to jump around a lot as I see slight differences in my surroundings. Again, I can clearly see *and* feel many versions of myself in one location, with slight variations due I think to them existing in different Universes with very slightly different outcomes. Perhaps in one my head is in one location, but in the next it's a half-inch to the right. That sort of thing.<br />
<br />
I said that there was nothing new to report, but last night there was. While sitting in this many-minds state, I suddenly felt a strong tickle in my throat that presaged a cough, no doubt due to the fact that I'd just smoked. I didn't want to cough, because I was in such a serene place. That's when I noticed something quite remarkable. Not all of me needed to cough. Let me re-phrase that. Most of the versions of me needed to cough, but I noticed outliers that had no tickle in their throat, no need to cough at all. So my focus quite naturally went to one of those, and I literally felt the other versions that needed to cough "move away" somehow, not in space but in probability. I now occupied one of the versions of me that felt no need to cough, and indeed, I no longer did. I even tried to cough, to see if the irritation was still there. Nope. Gone. <br />
<br />
This corresponds with other phenomena I have seen and felt, and indeed explains them. Awakening the dog or the wife, for instance. I am not awakening them with psychic energy. What I am doing is selecting one Universe out of the many in which they happen to awaken, focusing on it, and "becoming" it. Causing it to become my primary Universe in which I exist. So it then happens as if I had psychically caused it, when I was only selecting that outcome out of the many, perhaps infinite possibilities. <br />
<br />
When I am in this "many-minds" state, existing as a superimposed cloud of "myselves" all in one location, I also pick up on what seems to be interference between Universes. Hard to explain. It's like sometimes I see many, many universes at once and it fills my mind with the sheer amount of data all coming into my visual cortex at the same time. Overload, if you will, seen as an incredible solidity, multiple planes of existence all concentrated in one look, one glance. It fills my mind with overlapping data, or so it seems. It feels like all reality becomes solid and is interpenetrating my mind. It reminds me of a feedback whine in a sound system somehow.<br />
<br />
When I am in "many-minds" I always ask myself if this can be just a guy smoking a drug and warping his mind, and I always come back with a resounding "not possible." It's far too real, too glaringly realistic, and too bizarre a thing to be just imagining it. What seems instead to be happening is that I am ingesting a substance that alters my perceptions in such a way as to see what is normally *suppressed.* Salvia seems not to cloud the mind, but to reveal things we normally refuse to see, or simply cannot see. Things far too basic to our existence to even question. The flow of time. How we progress through time, not by staying in the same Universe, but by constantly selecting new Universes in which what we desire, or *fear,* is already happening. Those sorts of very basic things we all take for granted. <br />
<br />
All possibilities exist, and seem to actually have some kind of existence, even if unrealized. This is very hard to grasp, even for me as I live it, being able sometimes to see it happening. <br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-21125722474681164122014-09-20T22:54:00.001-04:002014-09-20T22:54:25.080-04:00More Adventures In The MultiverseFriday, June 27, 2014<br />
More Adventures in the Multiverse<br />
<br />
I seem to always get multiverse type visions now. I carefully dose myself so that I only hit the margins of a deep trip, skirt around the edges of one, then I feel my whole mind split into many minds. <br />
<br />
Last night was amazing. The bureau near my right side, the corner of it I happened to be looking at, became many corners forming a staircase-like shape as it extended into more and more versions of itself. This is not my vision, not my eyes in other words. I can feel one of my minds behind each pair of my eyes, in each universe, if you can believe that. I can clearly feel my mind split up into many minds. This used to disconcert me, but now I actually find it rather pleasant to contemplate many realities at once with many minds at once. <br />
<br />
It's not like "double vision only more than two." It's not just the visual effect, definitely not. It's multiple minds, one to go with each of the multiple images that I see. I was relaxed and experimenting with it in the moment, and it passes all tests I can throw at it. It's not a visual thing, it's definitely my mind becoming many minds, all running in parallel. <br />
<br />
I see, touch, feel, sense many realities all 'stacked up' on top of each other, and in each one, there I am meditating.<br />
<br />
I even feel my mind being replaced with a new almost-identical version, over and over again as time passes into the future. It's very subtle, but I'm so still inside that I can feel it happening. <br />
<br />
So in addition to all the multiple universes with multiple minds to go with them, as time passes I clearly sense *discontinuities* of my own mind. It ceases to exist for a microsecond and there it's there again, but it's not the same one as before, it's slightly different, not my old mind with new thoughts, but a new mind containing the new thoughts. It's replaced from second to second, but in "normal mind" I cannot sense the transitions so it appears to be continuous and steady. <br />
<br />
Is this what thinking is? Selecting the next proximate universe in which one has their next thought already? <br />
<br />
In these meditations I also feel myself thinking with those many minds at once, skipping around from mind to mind as I think. To be honest, not only do I not know if I end in the same mind that I started with, but I actually doubt it very much. I'm pretty sure it's real, and that when I end, it's in a different version, a different reality than my old reality, if it can even be said that that "old reality" existed at all as we like to think of it existing in the first place.<br />
<br />
I think we access many minds at once all the time. I think that's how the mind works, by accessing many versions of itself all the time. We literally skip around all versions of reality that are nearly identical to this one, all the time, and think it normal. <br />
<br />
More to come soon on this and other things. I've been keeping notes.<br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-80836674170240471702014-09-20T22:53:00.001-04:002014-09-20T22:53:05.564-04:00The Salvia Divinorum Experience of "Many Worlds." Is It Real?Tuesday, May 20, 2014<br />
The Salvia Divinorum Experience of "Many Worlds." Is it real?<br />
<br />
In all my salvia divinorum experiments, I still have not proven anything as regards the question "is this purely an hallucination?" vs "Is this my mind leaving my one body and experiencing many of my bodies?" Is it all just my mind tricking itself, or is it actually experiencing something, well, for lack of a better term, paranormal?<br />
<br />
Because lately, most every time I take it I experience multiple locations at once, multiple "me's" at once. Even feel my body weight bearing down on the chair in many places, many of my bedrooms, at once. It's exactly 50-50 to me if it's a real effect or not. It certainly feels very real, realer than my normal life in fact, but then I factor in how easily we silly hairless apes trick ourselves, and that ties it up again at 50-50. I mean, no way to prove it to myself definitively either way.<br />
<br />
One thing for sure though: Even if it's all just fake, I've seen things, experienced things, that I would have never have thought my mind was even remotely capable of faking. I think in a non-human way on salvia now, most of the time. "Non-human" is the best way to describe it. Many thought lines at once, approaching a question from many angles at once, like a group of people all doing it at once on a "party line," incredible flows of convoluted information that no one mind should be able to accomplish or sustain. These lines of thought are also non-verbal. They are pictorial and emotional in nature, but complex concepts actually come much easier in this atypical modality. Non-verbal pictorial, emotion-based convoluted thought-lines that occur in simultaneous "packages" if you will. I stand amazed of that, every time it happens. No way to even accurately describe it to you, it's too different from how we think normally. Maybe like a hive-mind. But I love it. I admit that. I love the amazing feeling of basically accessing many of my own minds at once and thinking not as a man might think, but as a God might, if such things existed. <br />
<br />
I should note that I still disturb the (sleeping) dog or the wife or even my son from time to time, although I consciously try not to. Can't prove that, though. I can't do it on purpose. It only happens when I'm in "too deep" to even think of any preconceived plan. So I must remain a skeptical experimenter rather than a convert. Maybe it's my skepticism that prevents me from going further, but I can't totally abandon that, not ever in my life, so I'll still muddle along. <br />
<br />
It's never boring. <br />
<br />
For instance, here's an example of "Things I Shouldn't Be Able To Do:" I have a ceiling fan. Set to medium speed, which is fairly fast, I can sit in my chair, and on only a light dose of salvia, I can focus my eyes in front of me on the wall, and not move that focus; then, with my peripheral vision alone, never moving my eyes, I can focus on one single moving fan blade above me and easily track it around in circles, my attention never leaving that one speeding fan blade, with my unmoving eyes not focused anywhere near it. I can thus accurately count the RPM's of the fan over my head while looking into my wife's eyes and having a conversation with her about it!<br />
<br />
Or I can focus on five, six, or even more points on a wall at once, again with no eye movement. No need to move the eyes, I just move my *attention* and that is not like visual focus; it allows more than one foci at once with ease. And when I say "at once" I literally mean it. My attention does not flicker from one point to the other. It divides into many foci, all at once. And my peripheral vision is very different, much sharper, at all foci.<br />
<br />
Just a couple of the many, many phenomena I get to experience. I feel, to be honest, very lucky to have ever found this substance.<br />
<br />
On (light doses of) salvia I can experience literally anything that you've ever read about any Yogi experiencing, and more. The so-called "Rising of the Kundalini" for example. It can feel like it practically blows the top of my head off in a rush of white light. I get to experience all that directly rather than just reading about how others have done it after 20-30 years of meditation practice. <br />
<br />
(Interestingly, when I do that, the rising of the energy thing, or just normal intense meditation, the crown of my head gets sore, and remains sore all the next day with no salvia in my system)<br />
<br />
I also experience something like layers or strata, that my consciousness passes through. Laminations, even. The wild thing about them is, as I pass through one of them, it's like I hear many, many conversations at once, like literally hundreds of people all talking at once, as if the layer was made up of informational content! And I mean, like you're in an auditorium and everyone's having a conversation at once. Again, I have no words to really get the reality of it across to you. I read what I'm typing here, and it's not even close to the experience, but it's as close as I can come. Frustrating. <br />
<br />
AND NOW, A PLEA TO MY READERS: <br />
If you're reading this online journal and have had experience with salvia divinorum or any other psychedelic substance, I'd very much like to hear about it and discuss it with you, so please post your first experience, or your wildest experience, or your most significant experience, or whatever you want to share, into the comments section. See, I started this blog for two main reasons. The first and foremost was to have a journal that I would keep my experiences in for my own perusal that was also accessible to others, and the second was to be able to discuss those experiences with said others of like mind. I really am looking for conversations here, and not just an audience for my ego to preen itself in front of. So thank you in advance for saying hello and sharing. <br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-51225902952976682752014-09-20T22:50:00.002-04:002014-09-20T22:50:31.329-04:00Doing Some ResearchWednesday, April 23, 2014<br />
Doing Some Research...<br />
<br />
I haven't posted anything here for a while, not because I'm not having any interesting salvia experiences but because I've been pursuing an idea, using small doses along with meditation in an attempt to clarify something I've theorized. It's the idea that we are the average of our experiences in all universes, that we actively experience an infinite number of multiple universes at the same time, all of them in which we appear, but each version of ourselves can only remember experiencing that which makes sense in light of the one averaged-out gestalt universe which we are accustomed to believing ourselves a part of. With infinite number of universes happening at this moment in which I exist, what I remember depends on the statistical concentration of universes that are mostly like this one that I (this version of me) seem to 'follow.' My consciousness does experience all the others, but none of them in sufficient statistical prevalence to make a salient impact on the average experience of the many that do not substantially differ one from the other. What I experience as reality is therefore merely a statistical concentration of similar universes that happen to mostly agree one with the other; my consciousness mostly disregards the infinite anomalous ones and notices only those that fit in with what I consider a rational chain of events that follow logically in this universe. <br />
<br />
Yes, as you can see, this is very hard to pin down, very difficult to express in words. I'm honestly not quite getting it, not quite communicating it accurately, but I don't think that words exist in any language that will accommodate the true scope of it. Very frustrating, actually. <br />
<br />
I'm not nearly convinced yet that this is the case, but I keep getting hints that it may be. Last night I found myself (on salvia) randomly thinking of a chain of events which I had experienced, none of which I can recall now, but a chain of seemingly real events that I eventually realized was totally foreign to my "actual" experiences in this reality. They were making complete sense to me at the time, but what I realized about them at the end there was that they didn't make any sense at all to me in my normal state of mind, because they didn't fit in with my life experiences. Those events that I seemed to be recalling were utterly foreign to my actual experiences, or so they seemed to be. It was as if I were momentarily conscious of an alternate-universe version of myself to whom those events made perfect sense, because that version had had another life into which they fit. As soon as I realized this, it was like the thoughts immediately started to fade out, very rapidly. It was impossible to hold them, and in fact very difficult merely to recall that I'd had such an experience at all. It's like it's forbidden to remember that which does not fit. <br />
<br />
I have also noted on several recent occasions that it seemed that my mind was very much like a radio, tuning into one station at a time, and that sometimes on salvia I seem to be able to change the channel, to tune out from this reality and tune into a different one, or even many at once. One time a few days ago the reality that I tuned into seemed to be like some sort of "underchannel" or more accurately perhaps, a "master frequency" that permeated all universes like a series of back doors connected to secret paths in an infinite woodland. Yes, visually it was like being in an infinite forest, with infinite paths going in all possible directions, all very shaded and green and with a general feeling of happiness accompanying the phenomena. It was quite profound. <br />
<br />
Somehow I sense that all these apparently disparate things connect. Somehow I will make sense of it. Too often have I sensed directly that what I consider one existence is in reality a superposition of many existences, and I can't seem to let that go.<br />
<br />
Thanks for following my quest. Hope to write more soon. <br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-75883918024199569792014-09-20T22:49:00.001-04:002014-09-20T22:49:06.136-04:00Inside OutsideSaturday, February 8, 2014<br />
Inside Outside<br />
<br />
In your imagination, do you ever wish that you could meet people and talk to people? Actually, I mean. So that they'd remember it, too, and talk back. Telepathy. Against the rules of reality, though. <br />
<br />
Or is it? I am talking to you in my imagination right now. The only difference this is from telepathy, is that you agree that it's just a computer. You agree that this is not in my imagination, and not in your imagination, but in our mutual reality. <br />
<br />
Well, I was just thinking (on salvia) a few minutes ago and I realized that my imagination is everything that I think, the totality of my "inside world." And when I see a room around my body as I do now typing this, that room is in my imagination, too. This computer is in my imagination. It's inside of that imaginary room I just talked about. <br />
<br />
My imagination is an infinite sea of thoughts and visions and dreams and stories and plot lines and songs and happiness and sorrow, intense visual scenes and bizarre vistas, and mundane, normal things. I can think of any and all of the things in it, because it is my imagination. <br />
<br />
There are parts of that vast inner world however, where I find other beings apparently, much like me, only where I am imagining them, they are also imagining me, and where those two things intersect, we agree that what we are seeing and what we are doing, is real. We agree that each other is real. <br />
<br />
I found an island in my imagination, and there are people there, and we all agree that that island is real and is definitely not imaginary, and we are very happy about that. Since it's the part of my imagination that we've decided is real, I concentrate on it a lot. I tend to kind-of live there. <br />
<br />
Maybe there are other islands in my imagination where I will find other beings that will agree that their tiny part of intersection with my imagination and theirs is real, too. What fun! Imagining each other into being. For it's all just in my imagination, only you are there too. You see me and I see you and we both agree that this part of our imagination, this island where we find each other, is definitely real, and so are we. We're as real as this part of our mutual imagination has managed to explain and justify to us. <br />
<br />
Reality is the part of my imagination that everyone else believes is real, too. <br />
<br />
In my inside, I found the outside. <br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-2299342696641091872014-09-20T22:48:00.001-04:002014-09-20T22:48:11.875-04:00Multiple Plane OverlapSunday, February 9, 2014<br />
Multiple Plane Overlap<br />
<br />
Last night, sitting meditation in upright chair, 100x. Eyes closed at first, then later opened as I came back into my body.<br />
<br />
I was very relaxed and calm, when I was suddenly immersed in a maelstrom of sensations that at first was very hard to decipher. I was totally wrapped up in it for a while before I even thought to try, but as I slowly came back to my senses while still in it I realized that what I was experiencing was nothing less than many, many realities all overlapping mine simultaneously. <br />
<br />
This is, once again, almost impossible to describe, but the best that I can do is to say that it was a very clear realization of multiple realities all in the same place, as if instead of being tuned to one radio station somehow my radio was picking up all of them at once and playing them all overlapping in a mish-mash. I could see and sense and even feel kinesthetically somehow, many realities all stacked on each other, on me, on the space that my body and mind occupied; a very large number of “other spaces” all at once. Not all of them had me in them; many were occupied by other people, strangers, and perhaps some had other, different versions of me in them, hard to say. Many were definitely occupied, at any rate. Conversations were going on in some of them. I could hear them at the time, but their content was lost to me later, as often happens with salvia.<br />
<br />
It was like being underwater in a way, a feeling of being immersed, but not in water but in multiple planes of existence. I did not see and feel one reality after the other sequentially; what I saw and felt was many realities all at once, like superimposed immersive videos. Many seemed to be a version of my room; many were different, seeming to not even be my room at all. Some seemed to not even be inside a building, but outdoors. I could clearly sense other beings, other people being present in many of them, just living their lives, doing things, talking, and so forth. <br />
<br />
There were so many realities superimposed one on top of the other that I couldn’t begin to sort them out enough to find the one that I was originally in at first. I was lost in them, in a sensory overload of information stacked on information, senses of people and places that were all superimposed in the same place at the same time. <br />
<br />
This was very different from my many experiences of me being personally in multiple planes. In a way it was the opposite. In those experiences I was present in many places at once, in multiple bodies; in this one many “places” were present simultaneously around only one of me. <br />
<br />
It was as if I had consciousness of not just my one reality, but all parallel realities that existed in the same space, and there were a lot of them. <br />
<br />
Slowly as the salvia effect wore off, I saw/felt my familiar reality getting “louder” in the sense that it was as if it was occupying more “bandwidth” in this experience, and as it started to stand out to me against all the other planes of existence, I concentrated on it and then suddenly I clawed my way (metaphorically) back into my body and my room, like slowly clawing my way out of a river onto the safety of its bank. <br />
<br />
So there I sat in my chair, having not moved a muscle throughout all of this, with the maelstrom still raging in front of me but lessening moment by moment, and as seemed to recede, to lessen, those now-familiar glowing lines of spatial distortion began to twist the very space in my bedroom into folds and ripples. As this started to happen, in that exact, precise moment I heard my dog who was sound asleep on the bed all this time about six feet away begin to cry out with soft muffled barks in his sleep as if terrified, and then wake up. <br />
<br />
This happened (as usual) at the exact, precise moment that the lines of ‘spatial distortion’ began to twist around the room. As soon as the softly glowing lines of distortion began to reach the approximate point where the dog was sleeping, he started to whine, and then awakened.<br />
<br />
This was also in no way premeditated on my part. I didn’t try to awaken the dog. I had the overlapping-realities experience, and then as the room began to distort afterwards, the whining of the dog was just there, acting as a counterpoint to the strange visual effects of the room twisting. <br />
<br />
I was motionless and silent as a stone all the time. <br />
<br />
So once again, my sleeping dog was awakened, and clearly frightened, by my salvia hallucinations. <br />
<br />
I don’t think they’re hallucinations. My skeptical side is starting to have real problems dismissing the fact that the dog or sometimes my wife and the dog are clearly and fairly consistently being disturbed by what science would say was a man sitting in silence having a hallucination. <br />
<br />
I think that somehow the effect of the salvia along with me being in meditation, instead of causing me to see things that aren’t really there, are causing me to see things that are really there that my mind was filtering out before. That everybody’s mind filters out. <br />
<br />
Again, the only logical conclusion to this is that the Universe is not what it seems, that it is more likely some sort of communal dream state, one with multiple planes of existence. Perhaps a Type III or IV Multiverse, only based in consciousness as it’s ground. Multiple simultaneous intersecting and overlapping communal dream states. After all, my dog isn’t the one taking salvia. If this were the kind of Universe that most people think it is, one of actual matter and energy and time and space, then no other being should be able to sense my visions in any way. <br />
<br />
That is clearly not the case. And this is not confirmation bias. It's too consistent and dramatic to be that. I've pretty much ruled that out. <br />
<br />
Still a mystery, though. <br />
<br />
Fortunately, I like mysteries. <br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-818337194000369798.post-30549114529517296532014-09-20T22:46:00.003-04:002014-09-20T22:46:59.023-04:00Traipsing Through The Afterlife (lucid dream)Tuesday, January 14, 2014<br />
<br />
Traipsing Through The Afterlife (lucid dream)<br />
I am driving to a nearby city to meet a friend of my wife’s, on an errand. It’s a clear, sunny day. I approach the apartment complex that she lives in. I have never been here before. It is very large, much larger than I’d anticipated. It also has more the look of a professional building to it, or perhaps a hospital. There are several large main buildings; I approach the one given in the directions. I park my car and enter the building. <br />
<br />
I walk down long corridors. There are people everywhere. It’s filled with people. It’s definitely more of a hospital, but somehow that doesn’t disturb me. I’m here to find room number 6N. <br />
<br />
I ask directions of a passer-by; he doesn't seem to know, or really that interested in answering me. He seemed a bit "out of it." <br />
<br />
Perhaps it’s a mental hospital combined with geriatric care? So it would seem, except for the ridiculous number of visitors. Every hall is crowded, every room filled, every space bustling. <br />
<br />
I finally find someone, an employee, who guides me to the correct room. I had been on the wrong floor apparently. The elevator was very crowded, and we had to wait in queue for several minutes just to get one. We rode up several floors. <br />
<br />
The room was off a narrow hallway with a great room nearby, perhaps a nurse’s station and recreation area combined. The door is open, but there is no-one inside that would fit the description of my wife’s friend. What was her name again? I look at the slip of paper that my wife had written the room number down on, but she had neglected to write her name. I should remember it, but I don’t. <br />
<br />
The room is not any kind of an apartment. It’s more like a hospital room. One patient in a bed, several people visiting her. So this cannot be the right room. <br />
<br />
Suddenly a maintenance worker, perhaps a janitor, hails me by name. “Brian!” An elderly black man in janitor’s clothing is calling to me. He is standing in the hall a short way behind me, near a public telephone on the wall. He hails me again, so I approach him. I’d never seen him before in my life. <br />
<br />
“Brian! Good to see you!” <br />
<br />
“Hello. Um, where do I know you from?”<br />
<br />
“I remember you from that book that you wrote!” He mentions a title but I didn’t catch it, and it didn’t sound familiar anyhow. <br />
<br />
(I have never written a book. Even if I had, why would he remember me personally from reading it?)<br />
<br />
We chatted for a short while, but he never revealed anything more about said book or our supposed previous acquaintance. I eventually asked him if he knew where room 6N was, and he informed me that I was in the wrong building. <br />
<br />
I said to myself “Well, that makes sense, because there’s nothing residential about this one!”<br />
<br />
We said goodbye, and I walked back toward the elevators. When I got back to them, I was dismayed by the long lines of people waiting to use them. I said ‘to hell with this’ and found a stairwell. <br />
<br />
I walked back down the four floors (or so) to ground level down a crowded stairwell. I had the thought that I should call my wife to ask her the name of her friend and anything else more that she could tell me, but when I took out my cell phone, it was not mine. It was an unfamiliar model, not a smartphone, with few buttons, and no clear indication how to dial out. I was dismayed that I’d apparently somehow dropped my phone and picked up someone else’s. <br />
<br />
Still searching for my phone, I find two others on my person, neither one mine, and both with no apparent way to actually dial a number. Too few buttons, and concealed keyboard on one that meant little to me. I tried a couple of buttons, tried to enter my wife’s phone number, but nothing happened. <br />
<br />
I continued walking, somewhat disturbed by all these developments.<br />
<br />
I eventually found someone that informed me that the building that I was seeking was accessed through the back exit, so I left out the rear. <br />
<br />
The view from out the rear entrance was a collection of buildings, large and small, leading down perhaps a quarter-mile to a waterfront with massive barges anchored in place to extend the useable surface area of the shoreline, and collections of stores and restaurants and other large edifices, with a railway and transit station or something similar. There was even an entire fenced-in abandoned carnival with Ferris wheel, in a sad state of disrepair. There were people everywhere, except in the carnival apparently.<br />
<br />
Seeing no building such as was described to me, I try to walk around the building that I just exited to its front, but the walk seemed to just go on and on, past the railway with railway workers busy doing whatever it is that they do, past many more large open spaces crowded with people and more buildings and roads and even vehicles. Busses. My walk just kept revealing even more large vistas with more complex buildings and of course, more people *everywhere.* I was constantly threading my way through crowds. <br />
<br />
Strangely, the people all seemed incredibly apathetic, dazed even. Sad. Wistful. <br />
<br />
There seemed to be no clear path to the front of the original building; in fact I could not even be sure that the building that I was walking around *was* the original building at that point. I felt as if I could walk forever and never get anywhere at all. <br />
<br />
People were everywhere. Walking, sitting, talking, going about various tasks in a mechanical fashion. Many were just sitting around doing nothing at all. <br />
<br />
I began to realize that I could not get back to my car. That indeed, I could not find any indication of any parking area anywhere. A slight panic began to set in. <br />
<br />
I reversed direction and went back to the back area, the waterfront with the barges. It was a very long walk, but I eventually made my way back there. <br />
<br />
There was a large open area there that I'd seen before, unpaved, with picnic tables in rows, crowded with people. I began to walk down the center of that area toward the waterfront. <br />
<br />
“BRIAN!” <br />
<br />
I turned at the sound of my name being called out. A young woman approached me, having been seated at one of the tables. “Brian?”<br />
<br />
I did not recognize her. I’d never seen her before in my life. <br />
<br />
“Brian! How are you?”<br />
<br />
“Hello. I’m fine. I’m afraid that I do not know who you are though. Have we met?”<br />
<br />
“You don’t remember me? We worked on that political campaign together!” <br />
<br />
(I had never worked on any political campaign in my life)<br />
<br />
“Um, no. I can’t seem to remember you. Sorry.”<br />
<br />
We began to talk. <br />
<br />
“What is this place?” I asked her.<br />
“-I don’t know.” (she seemed confused)<br />
“How long have you been here?”<br />
A slightly panicked look crosses her face, then confusion.<br />
“-How long? Why, I don’t know. I don’t know…” (Seems very confused now) <br />
“-…I don’t know how long I’ve been here. It could have been years.”<br />
<br />
It could have been years. It could have been years?<br />
<br />
Then it began to sink into me. I started to put it all together in my mind. It all clicked.<br />
<br />
I was dead. She was dead. This is where dead people go, at least at first. Some sort of waiting area perhaps. Everybody here, was dead. Unaware of it, but dead.<br />
<br />
“I think we’re dead” I informed her. "I think this is some sort of afterlife. We're all dead..." <br />
-"Oh, really?"<br />
She seemed accepting of this, strangely. No arguments. No sign of fear or apprehension. Complacent, even.<br />
<br />
We walked around some more together, conversing a bit, and as I looked around at the crowds, and at her, I began to realize that it wasn’t so much apathy that I was seeing, but people living totally in-the-moment, with no recollection of the past unless someone like me happened along and questioned them about it or otherwise jostle their memories. It would for instance not occur to any of them to eat, since they felt no hunger. It would not occur to any of them to question their present circumstances either, since they were existing in the present, with no thoughts of past or future. This is what I was seeing. Semi-amnesiac people with no thoughts of the past or future, just *being* in the present moment at all times, doing whatever felt right in those circumstances in that moment, and nothing more. No panic, no happiness, no sadness, just being there, in a daze. <br />
<br />
I thought of my wife, whom I would apparently not be driving home to now. Did I crash the car on my way to meet her friend, and wind up here in some strange apathetic vestibule of the afterlife? Perhaps. <br />
<br />
I can’t find my car. Why is that so familiar to me? What does that mean to me?<br />
<br />
I CAN'T FIND MY CAR!<br />
<br />
Suddenly it hit me. I’ve been in this place before, or at least in many places like it. I often dream of a strange place full of apathetic people where I cannot leave, cannot find my car, or bicycle, or whatever mode of transportation brought me there; and cannot find any way out. In my recurring dreams, I come here often. <br />
<br />
Having had dreams like this before, I had taken the time to condition myself to take special notice of the concept “I cannot find my car.” To realize, whenever that happens and I am lost and can’t find my way home, that it is a dream that I am in. A dream, but one that happens to me over and over, with variations on the plot, but the basic concept the same. One that happens to me so often, that I installed precautionary measures. <br />
<br />
“I cannot find my car” <br />
<br />
This is a dream.<br />
<br />
I became fully aware at that moment. <br />
<br />
From that point onward, it was a lucid dream. <br />
<br />
But, what a dream! I looked around again with new eyes. This was no dream, surely! It was just as detailed as my waking consciousness, just as realistic. The sun shone overhead, the buildings, the water, the people all so clear, so real. All the details were there, even a slight breeze. I actually began to doubt that I was right. Surely this was not a dream, could not be a dream… It was as real as what I call my reality. Just as real, even knowing that it was not. I took my time to look around, at all the activity, all the people, all the details. Wow. Maybe the other dreams were premonitions of this, and this one was real? Maybe I am dead? <br />
<br />
Then and there, taking no more notice of my companion, I knelt there on the dirt and closed my eyes and began to meditate. To meditate within a dream, to awaken from the dream. <br />
<br />
I closed my eyes and willed myself to awaken. I knelt there for a while, concentrating on awakening. Or perhaps more accurately on remembering my reality, my life, which is how I awaken from a dream, or from a salvia vision for that matter. <br />
<br />
There. That's it.<br />
<br />
I felt no transition at that point. I merely opened my eyes, and got out of bed. <br />
<br />
You see, while I don’t have visions of the afterlife on salvia divinorum, I do have them in my regular dreams ever since starting to take salvia divinorum. Recurring dreams of a limbo-like afterlife heavily populated by the recently departed, and perhaps also by those yet alive but asleep and dreaming, all willing to wait forever in their state of ‘life-in-the-moment’ with no sense of anything but their present millisecond of being, of doing whatever they're doing, hence no panic, no fear, no regrets, just sitting around waiting for something while not being aware that they are. <br />
<br />
This one was by far the clearest and most detailed of all such dreams that I have experienced, and so convincing that I almost bought into it myself. Almost.*<br />
<br />
So was it merely a dream? Maybe. Then again, maybe this reality is one, too. It certainly seemed no different in kind from my waking life except for unlikely details that seemed to fit in there but would not here. <br />
<br />
Why did I meet people that knew me from events that had never occurred to me? Another good question. <br />
<br />
Maybe none of this matters. Maybe it matters more than almost anything else. No way to tell, till I finally die and see for myself. <br />
<br />
Ironically, if it’s really where we go after we die, I doubt I’ll notice then, either. I’ll be too busy being in-the-moment. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*As to the detail of this dream, upon reading what I've written above, I realize that I provided a noticeable lack thereof. Not so in the actual dream, I assure you. All details were filled in; where they are omitted is where I cannot remember them. I do however remember that they were all there, because I recalled most of them immediately upon awakening, and in those few minutes that I had before they slipped away, I made the effort to at least force myself to remember the fact that those details were definitely all there. I conversed with a few more people in passing, I saw many more details of the buildings, the waterfront, the inside of the Hospital, and the crowds. Even surrounding forests in the distance, if I recall correctly. It was all very coherent and clear as glass. So clear that in point of fact, upon awakening from it I experienced as severe a shock as if you, reading this, were to awaken right now at this moment, awaken from this reality, or rather this dream of a reality, awaken in some other reality, a familiar one that had merely slipped your mind, and realize that this reality here where you are reading this now, was just a dream, too. That level of shock. <br />
<br />
How would that feel to you?<br />
Saint Brian the Godlesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14902151482640409544noreply@blogger.com0