This is A WORLD OUT OF MIND, my Online Journal where I explore Consciousness and the Ultimate Nature of Reality by the intentional alteration of my own belief structures, using Salvia Divinorum and additional self-altering meditational techniques drawn from Western Ceremonial Magic.

I always attempt to adhere to the scientific method as much as possible in my explorations, and while I often speak of these experiences as if I knew they were Truth, I always consider the alternative, that it is merely self-deception on my part, and think accordingly. Thus I maintain two parallel world views at once, one aspirational and one a safe fallback into standard materialism.

The more I journey into salviaspace, the more I think the former worldview is the correct one, but there is no objective way to prove that to the world, so I'll let you, the reader, decide for yourselves.

-Saint Brian the Godless

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Sunday, February 14, 2016

Playing With Disk Worlds

Last night, two small bowls, 50X.

Started with a one-point internal meditation on the source of my consciousness... gradually I faded out of it into a full vision. I saw portions of the room floating around me as if the room was shattered in planar fractures approximately horizontally in many places throughout, but what they really were was a group of vertical disk-worlds with myself, my sense of "I AM" fully present in all of the pieces, occupying more than eight or ten adjacent universes at once. I was playing with many disk-shaped parallel worlds in a vertical stack, feeling at once as if powerless to stop and also realizing that I was doing it on purpose for the sheer fun of it and also knowing while in that state that I have done this many times before, but was never able to recall it later.

I spent the next ten minutes or so fighting like hell to keep the memory. This time I did it. I think the totality of what I was doing, the sheer wonder of it all, the sense of awe, hit a trigger for me to fight to retain it, to take it back with me. It took considerable effort.

So I was in many identical versions of my bedroom and saw through many pairs of my eyes, the room seemingly in parts, many parts, and yet not, for it was as if I was seeing a bunch of "nearby" or adjacent universes stacked together rather than only one at a time, and I was rotating them around myself as an axis somehow, playing with them like colossal misshapen disks.

To approximately assign dimension to them, let’s say disk-ish shaped volumes of reality, all including identical versions of me in them, each somehow vertically compressed into "disk-oids" perhaps two feet thick and fifteen feet in diameter. Many of them, stacked vertically, with black gaps where they did not fit together, not being flat disks but somewhat wavy and irregular.

It was not quite like as if the room was somehow entirely solid (even the air) and a giant band-saw had cut slices horizontally through it, it was instead like many, many such solidified rooms were compressed into poorly made round "coins" all somewhat bent out of shape and wavy, each coin being a complete version of my entire worldview compressed, flattened, rounded… then stacked vertically with me, or rather my central consciousness, my "overmind," at the common pivot point near the back of the stack, for such was my perspective in the room. Like someone drove a nail through a stack of disks near the edge, and I was the nail.

Since “I” was many versions of myself all stacked one upon the other in a vertical manner, my own consciousness was this vertically-extended stack of “me’s” that, since I was perceiving this from a group perspective, was much taller than I myself was, sitting as I was in a straight-backed chair in my bedroom. I was a very tall stack of “me’s” with a single consciousness running through it that was me, only repeated many times, and all of “us” were aware of the others of “us” in the stack and what those others were seeing and sensing, so that somehow “we” remained “I," remained one consciousness, except as shared thoughts in one communal “overmind” or perhaps more accurately “mind-overlap.”

And this overlapping stacked group mind was playing with the disk worlds that comprised it's group-body like vertebrae, playing with itself, if I can say that and not conjure grossly inaccurate assumptions, by spinning the world-disks in opposing directions. One clockwise, the next one below counterclockwise, and so on in alternating fashion. Spinning disks for fun, but the disks were each a worldview, a universe. A point-of-view.

I was manipulating a group of my parallel universal viewpoints or worldviews, for pleasure. For fun.

I was conscious of many versions of myself overlaid, overlapping and occupying similar space in nearby planes, a composite me, a brotherhood of one repeated over and over… I was sharing bandwidth. Picking up nearby stations. Seeing my own self repeated in such a manner, I (composite multiple inter-cooperating "overmind" I) chose to play with it all and spin these disks made out of my overlapping perceptions. I say “I chose” because I can only assume that I must have or I wouldn’t have been doing it, but I certainly have no memory of choosing to do anything of the sort; I became fully conscious of what I was doing while I was already well into doing it.

Towards the end of this experience, as I managed to sneak a tiny amount of my rationality into the vision and be aware enough of it with my logical analytical mind, I sensed beyond doubt that the nature of reality is a massive communal dream-like state wherein we, or rather all our dreams, fit together almost, but not quite, seamlessly.

I say dreams, but our consensual reality we all live in is not really a dream. It’s not like a normal sleeping dream, at any rate. It's like a far more focused and realistic version of a dream we all dream together, with limits we ourselves impose on it. It’s just that “dream” or dream-like” is the nearest that language seems to come to the reality of what it truly is.

I got the very strong sense that we all walk around in a mobile individual dream that we update as we progress through it, and others also do this same thing, and they, or rather we, all interlock somehow. Also, all of us are subconsciously determined that it all fits seamlessly together, for when you think about it, for most people, to doubt the nature of reality itself in a manner like this is tantamount to insanity and therefore is simply terrifying to even contemplate, so we tend not to.

So out of fear that it won't make sense, it almost always does.

I knew it was real and true then. There was no doubt at the time, but I cannot say that I know it to be true now, since I am not in that state now and can see in retrospect how it might mislead me... however this time I brought so much more of the memory back with me that I feel more compelled to at least give honest credence to my own memories of it being un-doubtable, since those memories are not normally nearly this clear. I’d done this before. I remember realizing that, as I was doing it again. I’d just never been able to be rational enough to retain it like this, almost intact.

Salvia Divinorum is an utterly astonishing substance.