This is A WORLD OUT OF MIND, my Online Journal where I explore Consciousness and the Ultimate Nature of Reality by the intentional alteration of my own belief structures, using Salvia Divinorum and additional self-altering meditational techniques drawn from Western Ceremonial Magic.

I always attempt to adhere to the scientific method as much as possible in my explorations, and while I often speak of these experiences as if I knew they were Truth, I always consider the alternative, that it is merely self-deception on my part, and think accordingly. Thus I maintain two parallel world views at once, one aspirational and one a safe fallback into standard materialism.

The more I journey into salviaspace, the more I think the former worldview is the correct one, but there is no objective way to prove that to the world, so I'll let you, the reader, decide for yourselves.

-Saint Brian the Godless

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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Breakthrough?

I should have probably talked about all of my more mundane experiences on Salvia Divinorum before getting into my more recent ones that involve real-world objective effects, since the latter are far more difficult to believe and I'm sure that most of my readers think that I'm either making them up, or am insane. (I can tell you that the former is not true, and to the best of my ability to discern, neither is the latter.) I've had the terrifying hellscape trips that others report, I've had myriads of discrete kinds of trips wherein my ego is shattered, I've had the Huge Wheel and the Cosmic Grinder and the Grid, all frequently reported by other users of SD, and many that I've never seen others' accounts of, however I started this blog not to simply write trip reports. I started this blog because I have of late been getting objectively verified third-party results, and that takes it to a whole new level in my opinion. To have an incredible vision in the mind is one thing, but when someone else reacts to it, in any way, it's quite another. Two nights ago I had an experience that was a whole order of magnitude above all of my other recent experiences. And it was objectively verified. Once again, I woke the wife. Only this time I did it in a very different and unusual way. Setting the scene: a quiet, dark bedroom, fan running for white noise. I am sitting upright in a straight chair next to the bed in which my wife is fast asleep, along with the dog at her feet. The experience was in two parts. At first I saw a sphere of light in front of me, and I felt as if it was my central core consciousness, my "I AM" if you will. This was surrounded by many, many versions of myself, all identically sitting in their chairs watching the sphere. I clearly remember that at that moment, my sense of self, my feelings of kinesthesia, my body sense and my sense of my past and memories, was divided among the many. Although perhaps 'divided' is not the right word. Each one was a complete "me" in every way, and I could feel all of them as me, as well as I could feel the one 'real' me sitting in my chair in my room. Whichever one of them the real me was, I mean. I was equally distributed, as it were. I was all of "us" at once, separate but all equally me. They were no different from me. They were all identically me in every way, and so I had the highly unusual, clear awareness of catching myself in the act of literally living many lives simultaneously; all of 'them' as much "me" as "I" was. To be truthful, as strange as it sounds, there is no real way that I can be sure that the 'me' that I started out with is the same one that I ended the trip in, so completely identical were they all. We all. So that's incredible enough, however it proves nothing objectively. This next part does. As the first vision was fading away, I turned my thoughts to my wife sleeping behind me peacefully. I concentrated on her, not looking at her beyond an initial glance, as my back was turned to her. Suddenly I saw a 'grid' effect with her in it; in other words I saw and perceived many multiple images of her all at the same time arranged in a gridlike array in front of me. I should note that this was an 'eyes open' experience, and I was rather lucid during it's duration. While looking at the many versions of her, I thought of trying to 'mentally' awaken her, and then I noticed that one of the images of her in the grid was an image of her awakening. All the others were of her sleeping peacefully, but one image was of her in the act of waking up. Without even thinking about how, I 'pushed' my consciousness into that one panel, and it somehow merged with it, I could *feel* it merge with it, and at that precise moment, she awakened, fully conscious. Not only did she awaken, but her initial movements while waking up were precisely identical to the ones that I had seen a few seconds before in that panel of her waking up. It seems that I have experienced first-hand how the future manifests to us as multiple possibilities and we choose which one we will proceed along. Only this time I was completely aware of the process. Either that, or I chose between multiple universes. Either way, a very incredible experience that is still with me as if it had just happened. A 'goosebumps' kind of thing. UPDATE: Wednesday 29 May; Last night once again, I saw a glowing field come into the room from in front of me and pass through me, moving toward the back of the room. I could see it distort reality as it passed, with objects it touched becoming foreshortened. As the field passed me like a glowing light green wave and started to touch my sleeping wife behind me, she once again woke up on cue, with a somewhat startled sounding "ahhhh..." Not only that, but I fully expected it this time, and it didn't dissappoint. So for whatever it's worth, this seems real. And very consistant. I didn't try to awaken her this time, but I was certain at the time that when the glowing distortion field touched her she would awaken, and she did, precisely as expected. Before the 'field' appeared I noticed objects in the room take on multiple outlines, as if they were multiple objects sumerimposed. Also, the objects were in constant motion; it seemed that I was seeing them in multiple universes so I could notice slight variations in their position, one after the other, as if I were watching a sequence of freeze-frame photos each slightly different from the last, with slight changes in angle and perspective. Very noticeable. Everything "wiggled" about an inch in random directions. I guess I'll keep on doing this for a while to be certain it's not a series of wild coincidences, and then I don't know what I'll do if it isn't. Try to get better at it, I guess. Try for more control.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Energy Manipulation Zaps The Wife

Two nights ago I was sitting cross-legged on my bed after taking salvia, with my wife sleeping in the bed on my right. I had taken a hit and had once again staved off the onset of the experience until I had put the pipe away and gotten comfortable in bed. I was meditating on moving energy around my body, which is incredibly easy on salvia. (In fact, everything you've ever read about meditation and energy is incredibly easy on salvia.. I routinely accomplish things that I'd only ever heard yogis being able to do, like the rising of the kundalini energy or single-point-consciousness... piece of cake!) So here's the deal: I sense a patch of skin, say on my shoulder, and feel it incredibly clearly, my senses heightened. I focus all my attention upon it. Then I move the focus of my attention around, down my arm, to my thigh, down to my feet, and up in a spiral around my body, feeling for all the world like the totality of my being is entirely focused upon that one moving patch of sensation. I was moving it around randomly, more and more rapidly, and then moved it to my right arm, then to my left, then back, oscillating back and forth, side to side, moving faster and faster, in a deep trance. The side to side oscillation continued for a while. Suddenly and with no forethought whatsoever and on a spontaneous whim, as I moved it back to my right side, I extended my right arm slightly toward my sleeping wife and simply pushed it out of my body toward her. I made no sound and she was sleeping soundly, however the precise moment that I did this she immediately snorted a couple of times and woke up, *right on cue.* We spoke of it at that point, what had happened, and she had no idea why she had suddenly awakened. I am getting a lot of these types of objectively verifiable experiences lately, more and more. See, the thing is, on salvia everything seems so real, 'realer' than my regular waking reality even, and yet of course it may not be, it may be that it's just a very strong drug that produces these subjective sensations of realness along with the other phenomena, so I have of late been trying to test it by affecting objective reality in some way, such as managing to get through to another person while in that state, and lately it seems that I have been accomplishing this, more and more. My dog, my son's cat, and my wife are often affected by my visions now, however my wife is only succeptible while she's asleep. I've also had several more experiences with the dog waking up on cue. I don't know what to make of this; I try to retain my sense of scientific neutrality and just keep on experimenting with extreme cynicism, however it is beginning to approach the point where I can no longer pretend that the salvia experience is solely a subjective one. The evidence, such as it is, is piling up. Does anybody have any ideas what is happening here? Can this be real? It seems crazy to think so, and yet almost every time I take salvia lately, something decidedly objective happens. It's wearing down my incredulousness.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Cats and Dogs (Recent Experiences)

I typically use salvia divinorum as I sit in a straight chair next to my bed late at night. My wife is also typically asleep on that bed giving the time that I usually do it. I no longer need a sitter. Our dog, a pug named Walter, is usually asleep at her feet, on the bed, on the side away from me. So last night I prepared the water pipe.... I do the hit, and hold it, and let it go, and wait... a light green glowing "field" starts up in the upper right hand corner of the room as if it were a cloud that had just drifted into the room through the upper wall... The glow spreads and spirals around the ceiling throughout the room in a counterclockwise rotation, and starts to fill the room up with it's glowing geometry. When it touches me, I feel it penetrate through me. As the glow fills the room as it spirals inward, it nears and then touches the sleeping pug. The pug snorts loudly in it's sleep, half-lifting his head... then the field touches my wife... she moans and stirs also, less than a second after the dog did. Keep in mind that the room is totaly silent save for a fan for white noise, and I was calmly watching the field of glowing light as it approached and then touched first the dog and then my wife; their reactions were precisely simultaneous with the green glowing field contacting them, in order. The sounds were real. I was not hallucinating the sounds nor their timing. I always know how lucid I am while on salvia, and I was very lucid and aware of both reality and "salvia space." Afterwards the pug was awake on and off all night, on the bed, walking around, very atypical. Kept trying to lay on the pillow my wife's head was on. She was awakened by it and noticed his unusual activity. She scolded me jokingly not to screw around with the pug's mind, but she was about half serious. And the even stranger thing, this is *not the first time this has happened.* It's happening fairly often. Last week I did the salvia, had the light come into the room and then around me and through me, then noticed that the dog, this time awake, saw the light coming for him and moved from the foot to the head of the bed on the far side to get away from it. Also, later on I learned from my son living down at the end of the hall, that at very nearly the same time as my experience with the dog was taking place, at the other end of the house my son's cat started meowing so loud that he got up to play with her and comfort her. Another time a few months ago, and perhaps most dramatically, I was sitting on the bed cross-legged with the dog, awake, at the foot of the bed, in front of me. (I took the salvia hit and then held off the onset of the actual experience until I got into bed and made myself comfortable) I saw two glowing light green "walls" form on either side of me, and the pug started as if it saw them too. So with this in mind, I tried to get the walls to move by willing it, and managed to do that; and as they moved, from right to left with the dog in between them, the dog moved to the left (my left) to avoid the "wall" on the right... so I then got both "walls" to move back to the right, with the dog still between them, and the dog moved back to the right, all the time either looking at me, or to the side at whichever of the two "walls" was approaching him. It was clear that he saw them. Another thing, an unrelated experience: Two nights ago, I caught a glimpse of myself. No, not in a mirror. I had already had most of my nightly salvia experience and was standing up in the bedroom. Standing to my immediate right... a very, very faint transparent slightly glowing light green "ghost" of me, his (my) face about a foot away from mine, looking off to his right. Part of him, his near shoulder, intersected my actual body. This lasted for about three seconds, then it faded. My doppelganger from a parallel universe? It was holographically real, albeit very faint. I wonder what he was staring off to the right at... I was looking to the right in order to see him... could he have been seeing *his* doppelganger as well? What IS this STUFF?