This is A WORLD OUT OF MIND, my Online Journal where I explore Consciousness and the Ultimate Nature of Reality by the intentional alteration of my own belief structures, using Salvia Divinorum and additional self-altering meditational techniques drawn from Western Ceremonial Magic.

I always attempt to adhere to the scientific method as much as possible in my explorations, and while I often speak of these experiences as if I knew they were Truth, I always consider the alternative, that it is merely self-deception on my part, and think accordingly. Thus I maintain two parallel world views at once, one aspirational and one a safe fallback into standard materialism.

The more I journey into salviaspace, the more I think the former worldview is the correct one, but there is no objective way to prove that to the world, so I'll let you, the reader, decide for yourselves.

-Saint Brian the Godless

Follow me on Twitter @AWorldOutOfMind


Wednesday, October 5, 2016

A Flick Of The Finger



Warning: I fully realize that this report is difficult to believe. I agree. However, this is how it happened, and even though I was in an altered state, I was not incoherent nor lacking in self-awareness, especially toward the end of it when the most unbelievable parts happened. As to the "finger tap," frankly it's the part that I remember best, since at the time it shocked me greatly. I'll never forget it.

Two nights ago, sitting upright in chair near my bed, eyes open. 50X, third dose. Also employing OTO techniques to raise energy.

I am relaxed and feel vast flows of energy coursing through my body, especially in a straight column from my sacrum rising to the crown of my head. As is typical when I first dose myself I start to feel a sense of slight discomfort, as if subtle objects of some sort, barely visible, barely real, are interpenetrating my body everywhere, over and over.

I have been at this point many times lately with no clear visions following it. I believe I am developing a psychological resistance to them, or rather to the mental state necessary to get them, which is a delicate halfway-point between wakefulness and immersion. Tonight I increased the dosage slightly. This worked, better than I had planned.

I felt my attention start to drift a bit, then I noticed movement around me to my lower right and to that side. I re-focused immediately and saw etherial, ghostly images of myself repeated over and over down my right lower side and rising up in the distance like a wave of my doppelgangers, many, many versions of myself sitting there, over and over. I could also feel them, distant echoes of my own body's sense of kinesthesia.

It was a very long line of "me's" all sitting there in the same position as I was. I've been in similar visions before, albeit this was the clearest this effect of multiple "me's" had ever been. As has happened before, I could feel myself *shifting* between one body and the other, my consciousness "taking a step" to the right and passing through the skin of my body and entering the skin of my other body seated to the right. Like passing through a membrane of darkness. Or maybe more like that membrane passing through me. I can even control this, moving instead to my left if I so choose, or not moving at all. The line of my bodies appears infinite. The (minimal) movements of all my other bodies echoed mine perfectly... until they didn't. Suddenly everything *shifted* and they either changed to or were replaced with a large (but much smaller) group of similar human-looking but not very detailed bodies clustered haphazardly around me, their movements now independent of mine. Now I was no longer certain that these were alternate versions of myself. I seemed to now be the center of their (my?) attention.

These *beings* seemed to be looking at me, discussing me, even trying to communicate with me in some way, verbal or nonverbal I couldn't tell, because I could not hear them, nor could I see their faces. Some short time passed, perhaps thirty seconds, and then I felt the need to apologize to them for not taking salvia divinorum seriously enough, or something related to that. (This part is not clear in my mind). It seemed like this is what they were trying to say, that I needed to be more serious about it. Not sure why or how they meant that, though.

This continued on for a short while, and then the effect of the salvia started to wear off a bit and I became much more curious about them even as they began to fade, my normal curiosity having been much suppressed during most of this experience, as is typical for these things. They seem almost completely normal somehow at the time and it's only later you realize how abnormal they really were. So as I was feeling more and more curiosity and wonder at these beings still barely visible around me as they were fading away, I felt something on my right hand that was loosely hanging off the end of the armrest. My right hand that was hanging nearest this group of fading netherbeings.

I clearly and distinctly felt someone flick the underside of my ring finger, moving it, lifting my finger perhaps an inch upwards momentarily.

That's correct, I'm saying that one of them touched me physically, flicked, and physically moved my completely relaxed finger. My finger hanging in open space with absolutely nothing near it whatsoever.

The feeling I got when that happened was a combination of absolute amazement, and being extremely "creeped out." I cannot stress how clear and sharp this experience was, how distinctly I felt someone tap my finger with theirs. It's not like it's a feeling that's easy to mistake. At the time it was simply impossible to doubt it had happened, any more than you would if I flicked your finger in the real world.

So there I sat feeling amazed and spooked, and then I noticed that I could see a glow around my hands, and it was really beautiful, and for all intents and purposes looked like what I've heard an aura described as. It was all around me. I could even manipulate it a bit, extend pseudopods outward a few inches, make it swirl about.

After perhaps ten minutes of experimenting with that, the effect began to fade.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Core Implosion



I do not write often to this blog, because I only like to write about the most unusual experiences, and don't like to repeat myself. This (double) experience is highly unusual for me. Something completely new.

And for the life of me I don't know what it means.

Very well then, let's get to it:

Several nights back, in deep meditation, but a very light trance state. Totally coherent. I could easily have held a conversation were there anyone else in the room.

First, as always happens, the room around me, including my body, became "pixellated." As if the room were a 3-D television screen, and everything in it, including my body, were composed of glowing pixels hanging in space, vibrating. I even feel a distinct buzzing or humming in my entire body.

I maintained my upright sitting posture and just opened my mind to it all. I observed, but did not think. I just absorbed. No distractions.

So the room is full of what looks like television static, visually a light grayish-white glowing field of millions of tiny dots with perhaps a hint of green. And there I sat, for perhaps ten minutes, buzzing with energy.

Suddenly I noticed movement off to my right. A new "field" of static pixels was entering the room through the wall. A large wall of these pixels, a vast shadow, approached me, entering the room through the actual wall of the bedroom, interpenetrating the already-existing field of pixels that comprised the volume of space around me. It slowed as it approached me. It's size was immense. I could see it even through the walls and ceiling of my room, extending up and down and to both sides. It was like a vast, dark mountain was sliding closer to me, and I had this sudden feeling that I had called it. The approaching "mass" of darkness was smooth and slightly convex, bulging slightly, not flat like a plane. Enormous, towering, gigantic. It stopped, almost touching me.

I know this sounds insane, but I got this incredibly strong feeling that this was some sort of "transcendental intelligence." That it was a fellow occupant of the vast mind we call reality, not the author of it, not the creator of it. Not a deity in any way mind you, but as if it were "the next level up" from our reality somehow. A higher-order intellect. I got an impression that it tends to ignore us, like we are a lesser, smaller kind of intelligence in the vast dream of reality. Not unimportant, not unknown to it, but generally escaping its notice as it thinks of more important things.

But it had noticed me. And so it had approached me to see what I was.

It was not like being in the presence of a god, because it wasn't anything like what we think of a god, but it certainly was something as important as a god. So I felt chilled, awed, yet not at all humbled.

It meant me no harm.

I was a bird in the garden, off the beaten path, and it was wondering what I was singing about, so it came to check me out. And no, I don't mean that literally. It's as good as any analogy, though.

I remember an exchange of information of some sort, then it left, back in the direction it came. However, I have no clue what that exchange of information was.

And that was that.

That's a lot to handle, though.

Having no memory of the exchange, and yet feeling nothing negative about it or the gigantic presence that I had both seen and felt, I consciously attempted to contact it again the next night. Same meditation, same state of mind, sitting there in my bed, upright, crossed legs.

And this is where it gets even weirder, if that's possible.

In this state of pixelation, for lack of a better word, I see the inside of my own body as a field of very dark pixels, almost black. Darker than the pixels of the "being" that visited me. I feel them as well, as energy. I tell you this now because suddenly and violently there was a loud audible *crack* like a gunshot, and a sphere of this darkness that is inside of me, a sphere of it perhaps three to four inches in diameter, a sphere that was centered on my physical heart, suddenly vanished. It was an implosion in my chest, so violent that I almost fell over on the bed. I clearly felt the suction, the sudden vacuum pulling hard on the rest of my insides. It was exactly as if a sphere of meat had been teleported out of my chest, leaving a sphere-shaped void, which then imploded. There was actually a significant concussion, like a reverse-explosion of a very large firecracker. It hurt significantly. Real pain. It shocked me to the core.

I was partially blind now. Mostly blind. Vague shapes only. Very confused and shaken, I felt for my heartbeat with my hand. I felt and felt for it, but I could find absolutely no heartbeat. I felt for perhaps thirty seconds or more, and still my own chest was utterly still, like a corpse. I was beginning to think I had died in the real world somehow. All I could think of was my family I'd be leaving behind. Then gradually I began to feel more alive again. Felt for a carotid beat this time, and found one. And here I am.

So, what do you make of that? Because I have no idea whatsoever.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

More of the same, but that alone is astonishing...

Short post right now...

Last night, sitting in a chair next to the bed, once again I was in multiple universes, "accordioned" around me. Very similar to last time I was in the "multiverse" state, which was my last post, except that they weren't disk-like. More like layered, but overlapping too. I was also vertically "accordioned" much like last time.

My dog, now 100% deaf from double ear surgery due to infections (he's recovered now, thankfully) was sleeping soundly on the far side of the bed, away from me in my chair next to the bed. (Yes, you know what's coming, don't you?)

So yadda yadda, I see the universes, I am amazed by the universes, and then I start to play around with them, just like last time. All without even realizing what I was doing... it was just the natural thing to do at the time, it seemed.

This time I warped the stack of universes, sending a wave of "cracks" up toward the upper opposite corner of room... the fracturing proceeds diagonally downward through the room... crack... upper part of room fractured... crack... a little more is fractured, proceeding downward through room... crack... more fractures, now upper half of room is fractured, centered on the original upper opposite corner... crack... getting closer to bed... crack... fractured area touches sleeping dogAND HE'S UP AND MAKING NOISES INSTANTLY, on all four feet, obviously perturbed. Instantly, as the fracturing touched him. Asleep. Deaf. I'd been there an hour, done things etc, and he slept through it all... and yet the fracturing touched him, he woke up like I'd hit him with a glass of icewater.

This is insane.

It's getting really hard to discount this.

>>>Late addition to this: I just recalled that at one point just prior to the events described above, I was sitting with my head turned to my left, looking at the top of a safety railing we have on the bed for our dog. The railing at the time was perhaps a foot and a half from my head. So, very close, visually. I was in a vertically "accordioned" state, multiple versions of myself stacked on top of each other overlapping, moving through this stack of "me's" up and down, looking out through many pairs of my eyes but mainly focused on the vision of one main pair with some interference from nearby ones. As I moved through this stack of "me's" and of my bedroom surroundings, that railing kept changing slightly as I looked through one pair of my eyes, then the next, and the next and so on. Slight changes in angle, in the cloth and mesh covering on the railing, in the wrinkles in it, and so on. Each pair of my eyes, was seeing a different railing. All slight differences, but not so slight as to be easily explained away. A change of angle of several degrees, a half-inch new wrinkle at the end of the cloth cover. Definite differences. I should note also that I was not even blinking my eyes; the changes were literally happening as I looked at the railing, as I shifted "universes."

So there's that, too. All in all, a very interesting experience much like previous ones, even to waking the dog in many "on cue," but I retained more details because I stood up right at the end and got my wife in the other room and told her about it. (We have a deal where I can wake her up if it's an important experience that I need to talk about)

INCIDENTALLY: For anybody that can't imagine what my visions are like, I did find something that comes fairly close. Watch the last parts of the New Doctor Strange Trailer Here. Where the whole view is warping and interacting. It can be a lot like that, visually. At least in the general "feel."

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Playing With Disk Worlds



Last night, two small bowls, 50X.

Started with a one-point internal meditation on the source of my consciousness... gradually I faded out of it into a full vision. I saw portions of the room floating around me as if the room was shattered in planar fractures approximately horizontally in many places throughout, but what they really were was a group of vertical disk-worlds with myself, my sense of "I AM" fully present in all of the pieces, occupying more than eight or ten adjacent universes at once. I was playing with many disk-shaped parallel worlds in a vertical stack, feeling at once as if powerless to stop and also realizing that I was doing it on purpose for the sheer fun of it and also knowing while in that state that I have done this many times before, but was never able to recall it later.

I spent the next ten minutes or so fighting like hell to keep the memory. This time I did it. I think the totality of what I was doing, the sheer wonder of it all, the sense of awe, hit a trigger for me to fight to retain it, to take it back with me. It took considerable effort.

So I was in many identical versions of my bedroom and saw through many pairs of my eyes, the room seemingly in parts, many parts, and yet not, for it was as if I was seeing a bunch of "nearby" or adjacent universes stacked together rather than only one at a time, and I was rotating them around myself as an axis somehow, playing with them like colossal misshapen disks.

To approximately assign dimension to them, let’s say disk-ish shaped volumes of reality, all including identical versions of me in them, each somehow vertically compressed into "disk-oids" perhaps two feet thick and fifteen feet in diameter. Many of them, stacked vertically, with black gaps where they did not fit together, not being flat disks but somewhat wavy and irregular.

It was not quite like as if the room was somehow entirely solid (even the air) and a giant band-saw had cut slices horizontally through it, it was instead like many, many such solidified rooms were compressed into poorly made round "coins" all somewhat bent out of shape and wavy, each coin being a complete version of my entire worldview compressed, flattened, rounded… then stacked vertically with me, or rather my central consciousness, my "overmind," at the common pivot point near the back of the stack, for such was my perspective in the room. Like someone drove a nail through a stack of disks near the edge, and I was the nail.

Since “I” was many versions of myself all stacked one upon the other in a vertical manner, my own consciousness was this vertically-extended stack of “me’s” that, since I was perceiving this from a group perspective, was much taller than I myself was, sitting as I was in a straight-backed chair in my bedroom. I was a very tall stack of “me’s” with a single consciousness running through it that was me, only repeated many times, and all of “us” were aware of the others of “us” in the stack and what those others were seeing and sensing, so that somehow “we” remained “I," remained one consciousness, except as shared thoughts in one communal “overmind” or perhaps more accurately “mind-overlap.”

And this overlapping stacked group mind was playing with the disk worlds that comprised it's group-body like vertebrae, playing with itself, if I can say that and not conjure grossly inaccurate assumptions, by spinning the world-disks in opposing directions. One clockwise, the next one below counterclockwise, and so on in alternating fashion. Spinning disks for fun, but the disks were each a worldview, a universe. A point-of-view.

I was manipulating a group of my parallel universal viewpoints or worldviews, for pleasure. For fun.

I was conscious of many versions of myself overlaid, overlapping and occupying similar space in nearby planes, a composite me, a brotherhood of one repeated over and over… I was sharing bandwidth. Picking up nearby stations. Seeing my own self repeated in such a manner, I (composite multiple inter-cooperating "overmind" I) chose to play with it all and spin these disks made out of my overlapping perceptions. I say “I chose” because I can only assume that I must have or I wouldn’t have been doing it, but I certainly have no memory of choosing to do anything of the sort; I became fully conscious of what I was doing while I was already well into doing it.

Towards the end of this experience, as I managed to sneak a tiny amount of my rationality into the vision and be aware enough of it with my logical analytical mind, I sensed beyond doubt that the nature of reality is a massive communal dream-like state wherein we, or rather all our dreams, fit together almost, but not quite, seamlessly.

I say dreams, but our consensual reality we all live in is not really a dream. It’s not like a normal sleeping dream, at any rate. It's like a far more focused and realistic version of a dream we all dream together, with limits we ourselves impose on it. It’s just that “dream” or dream-like” is the nearest that language seems to come to the reality of what it truly is.

I got the very strong sense that we all walk around in a mobile individual dream that we update as we progress through it, and others also do this same thing, and they, or rather we, all interlock somehow. Also, all of us are subconsciously determined that it all fits seamlessly together, for when you think about it, for most people, to doubt the nature of reality itself in a manner like this is tantamount to insanity and therefore is simply terrifying to even contemplate, so we tend not to.

So out of fear that it won't make sense, it almost always does.

I knew it was real and true then. There was no doubt at the time, but I cannot say that I know it to be true now, since I am not in that state now and can see in retrospect how it might mislead me... however this time I brought so much more of the memory back with me that I feel more compelled to at least give honest credence to my own memories of it being un-doubtable, since those memories are not normally nearly this clear. I’d done this before. I remember realizing that, as I was doing it again. I’d just never been able to be rational enough to retain it like this, almost intact.

Salvia Divinorum is an utterly astonishing substance.