My Left Hand (with apologies to Daniel Day Lewis)

Last night I had a very realistic experience, a wild vision. Wild in the sense that it was so clear and "mundane," and yet so unbelievable.

After taking salvia, I sat there eyes-open and saw my reality become pixelated and 'static-y.' Everything was 'snow' like in a television set tuned to an off-the-air channel, but with the room still clearly visible, albeit snowy. Everything was made of static, my body included. I had the compelling sense that my own body was just a part of the illusion that is reality, that it was a part of the surroundings and not a part of the real me. (I've had this happen many times in the past, too.)

When I'm in this state, I can touch a passing cloud of static and feel it. Feel it with my hand, and feel it passing through my hand.

I could feel the static inside of me as well. My whole body felt pixelated and made of static, even on the inside.

Sitting there, my attention went to my left hand, which felt strange across the back, near the base of my fingers. So I looked down at it and there was a dark, reddish bar across the hand where it was tingling. Like a dark red band of shadowy 'static' brass-knuckles on the back of my hand where the strange sensation was, overlapping the base of my fingers. It felt icy-cold and tingly, and it moved with my hand. This was just the beginning though, because when I raised the hand up in front of me to look at it, what I saw was frankly amazing.

My whole hand was pixelated static, like bad reception on television, with vertical gaps in it!

In other words, here I am looking at my own hand and it's divided by vertical slices taken out of it, as if those parts of my hand simply hadn't properly coalesced. Each gap was approximately a half-inch wide, perfectly straight with straight edges, and aligned along the long axis of my hand, from fingertips to base of palm. About three or four slice-like gaps, through which I could clearly see the room behind my hand showing through. Move the hand, and see the background move through it as if the slices were real, actual gaps. As far as I could tell, they were. I could see details of the room around me very clearly through them as I moved the hand, as if those parts of my hand simply were not there.

This startled me greatly, so I went into 'automatic wake-up mode' as I've conditioned myself to do in such cases, and so became very coherent and rational, examining the phenomena, which did not dissipate. The gaps moved with the hand; they were not fixed in space but were fixed in relation to the hand. The background (room, walls, carpet) was clearly visible in detail through the slices and seemed to be undeniably real and true. And even stranger, I could feel each gap as an icy-cold tingling void in the hand. I could feel the gaps. Clearly feel them. No pain at all, just tingling icy cold vertical gaps in my hand.

This experience was so convincing and realistic, seeming even more real than regular reality, that in the moment I said to myself, "it's hard now, with seeing this, to ever think that the Universe is not made up of consciousness again."

I think that these sorts of experiences are more compelling to me than when I encounter another personality like in my previous two posts. More real somehow. More indicative of the true nature of reality than encountering a 'demiurge' or feeling like the "One" gone insane. Those things are likely projections of my own thoughts, but I wouldn't think of something like this. It startled the hell out of me.

This world is a projection of pure consciousness, and anything else that we take it to be, is just us deluding ourselves into a deeper belief in the illusion. That's pretty much where I'm at now, and this experience is definitely something that is pushing me over that edge into belief that consciousness is the ground of all being.

The real me, is my consciousness. My body, and all my surroundings are no more than parts of a very realistic communal dream, and with salvia I can see the curtain pulled back on all of that and the real world show through, sometimes with disturbing clarity.

Sometimes it even "shows through" half-inch gaps in my own hand.