This is A WORLD OUT OF MIND, my Online Journal where I explore Consciousness and the Ultimate Nature of Reality by the intentional alteration of my own belief structures, using Salvia Divinorum and additional self-altering meditational techniques drawn from Western Ceremonial Magic.

I always attempt to adhere to the scientific method as much as possible in my explorations, and while I often speak of these experiences as if I knew they were Truth, I always consider the alternative, that it is merely self-deception on my part, and think accordingly. Thus I maintain two parallel world views at once, one aspirational and one a safe fallback into standard materialism.

The more I journey into salviaspace, the more I think the former worldview is the correct one, but there is no objective way to prove that to the world, so I'll let you, the reader, decide for yourselves.

-Saint Brian the Godless

Follow me on Twitter @AWorldOutOfMind

Saturday, October 5, 2013

My Left Hand (with apologies to Daniel Day Lewis)

Last night I had a very realistic experience, a wild vision. Wild in the sense that it was so clear and "mundane," and yet so unbelievable.

After taking salvia, I sat there eyes-open and saw my reality become pixelated and 'static-y.' Everything was 'snow' like in a television set tuned to an off-the-air channel, but with the room still clearly visible, albeit snowy. Everything was made of static, my body included. I had the compelling sense that my own body was just a part of the illusion that is reality, that it was a part of the surroundings and not a part of the real me. (I've had this happen many times in the past, too.)

When I'm in this state, I can touch a passing cloud of static and feel it. Feel it with my hand, and feel it passing through my hand.

I could feel the static inside of me as well. My whole body felt pixelated and made of static, even on the inside.

Sitting there, my attention went to my left hand, which felt strange across the back, near the base of my fingers. So I looked down at it and there was a dark, reddish bar across the hand where it was tingling. Like a dark red band of shadowy 'static' brass-knuckles on the back of my hand where the strange sensation was, overlapping the base of my fingers. It felt icy-cold and tingly, and it moved with my hand. This was just the beginning though, because when I raised the hand up in front of me to look at it, what I saw was frankly amazing.

My whole hand was pixelated static, like bad reception on television, with vertical gaps in it!

In other words, here I am looking at my own hand and it's divided by vertical slices taken out of it, as if those parts of my hand simply hadn't properly coalesced. Each gap was approximately a half-inch wide, perfectly straight with straight edges, and aligned along the long axis of my hand, from fingertips to base of palm. About three or four slice-like gaps, through which I could clearly see the room behind my hand showing through. Move the hand, and see the background move through it as if the slices were real, actual gaps. As far as I could tell, they were. I could see details of the room around me very clearly through them as I moved the hand, as if those parts of my hand simply were not there.

This startled me greatly, so I went into 'automatic wake-up mode' as I've conditioned myself to do in such cases, and so became very coherent and rational, examining the phenomena, which did not dissipate. The gaps moved with the hand; they were not fixed in space but were fixed in relation to the hand. The background (room, walls, carpet) was clearly visible in detail through the slices and seemed to be undeniably real and true. And even stranger, I could feel each gap as an icy-cold tingling void in the hand. I could feel the gaps. Clearly feel them. No pain at all, just tingling icy cold vertical gaps in my hand.

This experience was so convincing and realistic, seeming even more real than regular reality, that in the moment I said to myself, "it's hard now, with seeing this, to ever think that the Universe is not made up of consciousness again."

I think that these sorts of experiences are more compelling to me than when I encounter another personality like in my previous two posts. More real somehow. More indicative of the true nature of reality than encountering a 'demiurge' or feeling like the "One" gone insane. Those things are likely projections of my own thoughts, but I wouldn't think of something like this. It startled the hell out of me.

This world is a projection of pure consciousness, and anything else that we take it to be, is just us deluding ourselves into a deeper belief in the illusion. That's pretty much where I'm at now, and this experience is definitely something that is pushing me over that edge into belief that consciousness is the ground of all being.

The real me, is my consciousness. My body, and all my surroundings are no more than parts of a very realistic communal dream, and with salvia I can see the curtain pulled back on all of that and the real world show through, sometimes with disturbing clarity.

Sometimes it even "shows through" half-inch gaps in my own hand.


  1. Nice report. You should try to experiment with the whole 'consciousness' idea. Try to find some conclusive proof that everything boils down to consciousness.

    There's a (scientist?) who posts on who believes that everything is reducible to number theory. I would love to see the two of you interact. He smokes salvia, but all he does is pimp his own little theory about math and numbers. You can sign up and start posting right away. I posted the Nyad article over there and I gave you props for finding it.

  2. These are my thoughts as well, about the nature of reality. That our consciousness creates it, sustains it, molds it.

    That's amazing that you could literally see through your hand. I never keep my eyes open or have any sort of light while I smoke Salvia these days. The last time I even tried to I instinctively closed my eyes anyway. I think because I've journeyed that way for so long I've become conditioned to it. When the effects begin to take hold, my eyes just shut.

  3. See, THAT'S why I have been having problems tripping lately. I totally conditioned myself to resist the pull of salvia for some reason. I think it's so I can come out of it when I see something amazing and that way remember it. So great, now I need a huge hit of 50X to even feel it.
    Most of my more interesting experiences are eyes-open. All of the times I woke the wife or the dog have been. That just can't happen with the eyes closed for some reason.

  4. Well we can certainly condition ourselves into patterns or reactions. I've just always had very deep trips while in the dark, quiet, eyes closed. My open-eye trips have always been very disorienting and bizarre. Interesting in their own way, but I find it very hard to let go completely. It's much easier to hold on to some semblance of reality by having that visual stimulus.

  5. Last night I was basically the equivalent of an epithelial cell at the back of some throat, possibly my own, who knows? At any rate I was a part of a surface looking (my vision was oddly combined with my other senses to create an overall "sense") down what seemed to be a throat. Before that was the sense of multiple realities. A pretty 'deep' experience.

    Heh heh heh... 'deep throat...".... heh heh...

  6. For me the most bizarre experiences are when my eyes are closed (Note, music I have playing *right now* in the background just had the lyric "closing my eyes" play while I was typing that) and my most informative experiences are when I have my eyes open.

  7. I've had this discussion with others in the past. I think it may have something to do with different learning styles (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) I've always been better with auditory and hands on. I have a difficult time with visual. I often have auditory hallucinations with Salvia, and other psychedelics actually. Tactile as well. When I get intense visuals it usually confuses me and I get disoriented. Not that I don't enjoy it, I just have a harder time understanding it :)

  8. Ahh. That makes total sense. I am a visual person by nature. I do notice that with salvia you can pretty much concentrate on anything, and it will produce amazing results. Zen type meditation (empty the mind), Western style meditation (fill the mind with imagery), the auditory world (where I've had strong hallucinations, such as my 'hall of phonemes" and 'hall of sentence fragments" experiences (not sure if I've told you about those) and really just about anything. It is the ultimate enabler, seeming to supply the energy for whatever you need it to do. It is strongly synergistic with MJ and some other substances as well... It really is like Powdered God.

  9. Dio, BM, have you ever noticed when you're on salvia that the reason that it's hard to follow your own train of thought is that your mind is constantly bombarded with what I can only call 'plot beginnings?' Stories, dreams, interesting things, they seem to be 'all around me' and when I notice a particular one, I'm instantly off following up the 'plot.'
    Not only that, but they're NONVERBAL "pure" thought sequences that convey meaning like a hundred times faster than words.

    1. That's a very good description, yes. That's exactly how I experience it as well. I love the 'storyteller' nature of it. And that they're not conveyed in words but in symbols and feelings that you seem way more clear than any sort of rudimentary verbal language. Seeing meaning in a symbol like a music note, which conveys a whole tale of something inexpressible in this consensus reality.

  10. I like to concentrate my investigations on the interface between salvia space and our world, so I like to keep my eyes open for many experiences and observe the irregularities that salvia 'intoxication' creates in my vision of the actual room around me, however I can certainly understand why others would be more interested in the deeper, eyes-closed experiences.

    1. I do enjoy making those visual connections, just not with Salvia :) I think Salvia and something like DMT propel you into this inner world, or seemingly another dimension, which can seem imperceptible with your ordinary eyes. I see these realities/dimensions with my mind's eye, or overlaid on top of my normal visual perception. Something like LSD or Psilocybin are great for open eye trips.