I must preface this by saying that I think salvia is potentially as deceptive as reality itself (Maya) can be, so nothing gleaned while using it can be positively known to be the truth. I take this as a comfort in the context of what I am about to relate:
The Darkest Interpretation Of Reality
On many trips I have found myself in a situation where I seem to just know things about the Universe. In many of these I have run across a dark interpretation of reality that I've never heard any of the New Age crowd talk about. Oh sure, I hear them talk about how All Is One and how great that is, and how we are all facets of the One that is All There Is, and when we die we return to that source, that loving source of all, and how mindblowingly wonderful that must be. I mean, it does sound pretty good. And I do get a strong sense that we are indeed all facets of the One Thing; that we are indeed all One.
The people that believe in such things generally say that the One separated into the Many in order to create the Universe and all within it. It was an act of love, so they claim. What else would it be?
On my travels into salvia space, I heard something else. (More accurately sensed it as if it had happened to me)
The One did indeed separate into the Many, but that was no act of love. It was an act of desperation fueled by abject horror.
The One went insane, you see.
The One was ALL that there was, the only single solitary thing in existence, and eventually after eons of that, it fractured into the Many in much the same manner that a schizophrenic descends into madness- out of sheer stark-raving terror. It was so *lonely,* so very *lonely,* and it could only hold dialogue with itself. More utterly *alone* than anything we humans can even begin to imagine, utter terror, the darkness of madness, and the prospect of eternal fearful isolation drove it to fracture itself into many minds all desperately trying to cling to and believe that they really are individuals which are completely separate from each other and above all else, that they're really definitely positively not in actuality only one being.
(please oh please oh please let's never ever ever let ourselves remember that we're really all just one solitary being, not that, not ever, never please never, anything but that...)
The whole reason we're "here" is so that we don't have to be *there.* There with the One, there in that awful state of knowing full well that we are not we, we are instead I, and I am fucking lonely and afraid and absolutely mindlessly terrified of my reality as the only fucking being in all existence. Not just the only being, but the only thing! Hell, there *IS* no existence, only me.
Anything but that, anything but that, anything but that. Worse than death is eternal solitude. Worse than death is not being the Many. Worse than death is being all that there is.
We cling to this reality with all our might, because it is the balm that soothes our brow, the sanity that we lack in our natural state as The One Single Being with nothing to do but contemplate itself and go eternally fucking nuts because of it.
God has multiple personality disorder, times infinity.
The first time this came to me it overwhelmed me. I actually cried for The One in pity, feeling it's awful pain, vividly sensing it's despair and loneliness, and then TERROR STRUCK ME as I realized that it was myself that I was crying for, for I am it, and it is me, and we are/I am a royal fucking mess. Yes, we/I deserve pity if anyone does, but there's no one to pity me but me, no one else to turn to for comfort, and no way to deal with myself and what I really am and remain sane other than to deny to myself that that's what I really am. I must live a lie or face my own insanity.
So that's what I've been doing, for pretty much eternity now. Reality is a by-product of my desperate need to distract myself.
I am the subject and the object. Not nearly as much fun as being the Alpha and Omega, let me assure you.
So the multitudes are all a self-inflicted wound to distract me from the fact that I am all there fucking is, and all there fucking ever will be, forever and ever, amen. Individuals of a certain introspective temperament such as myself seek one-ness, never realizing that we are only here as individuals in the first place because we are fleeing it desperately.
Maybe sometimes finding higher knowledge isn't such a good thing?
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UPDATE 5/28/2014: Apparently the above experience is not unheard of, just not common. Also, and interesting to note, it's not known through an hallucinogenic/entheogenic drug experience but through meditation, a form of samadhi. This was brought to my attention by a reader: http://web.archive.org/web/20130606091318/http://www.elcollie.com/st/god.html
Your post makes sense to me. Yes. It's quite possible that at the core of our Being is the realization that it's all an empty stage filled with props.
ReplyDeleteAgonizing desolation. So of course the One separated into the many so that 'He' could lose Himself in the illusion of separateness.
The Buddhists believe that fundamental reality is an emptiness that goes beyond negative concepts. Emptiness could be a peaceful experience. It doesn't have to be terrifying.
My personal take on this is that I have bought into the delusion of separate minds, all equally viable. If the world is just a video game, then so be it. I'll keep on playing as if I'm a real human being and not just a collection of bits.
Maybe this is why people drink alcohol.
This most closely corresponds with the theory of a "quantum multiverse" where every decision that we make and anytime more than one thing can happen to us, the universe becomes two or more universes in which all options are realized.
DeleteI' leaning toward that a bit, possibly with a consciousness component inserted in the area of what "probability" really is.
HAH!
ReplyDeleteI get the impression that this scenario still allows for many other levels of consciousness, such as higher beings, even godforms. Lady Salvia, my Demiurge.... The Mothman and his kin, whatever they are... who knows? Still, all are deceiving themselves, or perhaps if not that then at least the higher ones are conscious of the real deal, that at the very highest level, the level of Unity, there is insanity.
ReplyDeleteAlso a Universe that is ultimately based in the act of an insane being explains a lot, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteNot only does God not love us, he uses us to escape into, so the more interested we all are in our delusion, the happier said God is.
People like us must piss him off, though.
But hey, we're all him, and so schizoid is he that some of him is daring to go back to the insanity and check it out, even as the rest of him flees it in terror.
Or not. I mean, it all might just be the easy answer, that I concocted all of it in my drug delusion. That's always a possibility, but even if so at the minimum it reveals a lot about me, to me.
"Also a Universe that is ultimately based in the act of an insane being explains a lot, don't you think?"
ReplyDeleteIt explains Miley Cyrus. (rim shot)
The universe is fucked up with or without God. Everyone in the universe lives on a fucking rock surrounded by the vacuum of space. Some beings might have figured out how to live in dimensions away from their home rocks, but that takes a long uphill evolutionary drive.
We could all be living a great life and POOF, we're evaporated by an exploding nearby supernova.
Did you see the story yesterday about the church bus that blew a tire killing 8 church members? God must be laughing His crazy balls off about that. I always wonder what the people in heaven are doing when horrible things happen down here. Do they all take a moment of silence before continuing with their praises of God and Jesus?
angel -- "Oh, Jesus, your mighty shaft is glorious indeed!"
2nd angel -- "psssst.... a church bus just slammed into a semi.. 8 dead."
Jesus -- "Please take a moment of silence, brethren."
(minutes later)
angels -- "Where were we? Oh yeah. Jesus, your shaft is second to none."
The worst people are those that have been given reason to believe that they are automatically good. Then they start to look down on others. The PRIDE kicks in, and it blinds them to what they've allowed themselves to become. So that's why the average Christian (not all, but the average one in this country) is an asshole.
DeleteWell, if quantum immortality is true, none of them actually died. Their consciousness just shifted to whatever universe there is in which they survived the crash or avoided it.
ReplyDeleteI presented this story because it really happened to me, more than once. Several times. However I think the chances of it being the actual TRUTH of the universe is probably pretty small.
ReplyDeleteSo that makes me realize all the more that our visions on salvia can give us images of the truth *or* images of what we already think subconsciously. It's up to us to differentiate which we will take seriously. And that would also include your peoploids, which I do not get visions of. They are common though, so it might be a human perceptual thing with some truth to it, or not.
I'm always big on trying to police myself because I have throughout my life the fact that anybody can be wrong, and it seems that the people that are the most sure that they are not wrong are most often the ones that are very wrong indeed. So I can always be wrong and deluding myself, about anything. I try to adjust.
Same with my previous "Demiurge" post by the way. It felt very real, and maybe it was in some way, but how much of it was me and my inchoate deepest subconscious fears and expectations? My judeochristian upbringing might have had a hand in forming that in my mind. No way to really tell.
DeleteI realize this is an outdated thread, but your Darkest Intepretation made me reflect on something I read about not too long ago. I recommend reading Meher Baba´s God Speaks where he explains how the universe came to be. He speaks about how our essence (spirit, mind, energy, etc.) became separated from "the One". His explanation is extensive but something like: “the One” in a perfect state of awareness, presence, and completeness, has a ripple of thought or emotion. That ripple or emotion is what caused the universe to explode into creation. Meher Baba also has a very interesting explanation of how consciousness evolved from the most primitive forms (basic compounds, metals, rock) to more advanced forms of plant and animal life and eventually to human consciousness and how consciousness permeates everything in our world.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was worthwhile to respond to your post because I sense an underlying unease in your explanation that I have felt before very strongly but that I now feel is not necessary. Regardless of whether the Universe was born out of a ripple of fear or self-doubt or whatever it may have been, through meditation I sense an immense stillness and peace as I try to get closer to the One and know that it is only that state of stillness which I must try to preserve and explore. Perhaps we can only contribute tiny drops of stillness and peace to this vast ocean through our meditation and daily living but it is what we must do and the only lasting satisfaction to our lives.
As far as Salvia goes, I´m humbled by its power. Whether it is really a tool to get us closer to the One or simply a source of distraction is difficult to know. In any case, one should tread carefully and with only the best intentions.
Wish I'd seen your response earlier. If you're still around, say hello again on a current thread, if you haven't already. Thanks for the response.
ReplyDeleteWhat dangers have we? Escape? Demigods?
ReplyDeleteWithout Samsara, there can be no ecstatic relief in Moksha to experience the appreciation of Nirvana. Think of it as a staple?
You take sentient space as your canvas and dab different colors of your energies into an aurora borealis of galaxies within galaxies run riot. You juggle your boundless light into finite holding patterns, invent the eclipse, take gravity for a spin, shoot stars at moons. You explore the magnetic, intrigued with the opposite dynamics of its poles. Something there.
But what of the art or the artist without an other? How much joy can be had as an onanist? A mere puppeteer, staging, without an audience. As a Jin, you materialize everything you imagine, but what delight being the author of the book you might hope to enjoy if you can't sneak up on yourself to surprise yourself? Ever behind everything, controlling, where the fun? Where the hope for something more ecstatic? And what is ecstasy without the contrast of agony?
Eternity is a long time to be alone. You decide to take a gamble, and so became a gambler. Realizing the only way for YOU to actually experience a real thrill is to find a way to divide your infinite self up into other infinite selves, different loci of relativity, conscious identity encentered in each, and somehow pinch each off to experience all otherness around it as off-centered. Differences arise everywhere in between different placings of conjunction, relativity, and each more vitally real to each, AS SELF, moreso than anything other?
You have Divided Yourself Up. For SOMETHING MORE'S Sake. And you're now fully immersed in the plural, invested in each, and playing a Game of CHANCE with or against All the Odds of yourself. Your sanity became schizophrenic, fragmented, to descend and find itself actually strapped and trapped into today's present madness. Demigods as semi-gods.
AND HERE YOU ARE. All YOU. Can you self-deny this?
And the stakes of this your gamble real: Get your Shit back together Quick or lose Your EVERYTHING. You had to birth Hope to Win Back that now possibly Lost. And you put a Lot of Eternal Time into this one.
Fuck it! --- Champion the Rapture of your Infinity, regain your Sovereignty? Individuate to TRIUMPH! --- Or experience the self-inflicted Agony of Divine Homicide? The way it's all going down, sure looks like it's leaning toward the latter at the moment.
Then, may be, back to Square One. Eventually? Hopefully? No Guarantee we know of. But same predicament, unfortunately, if so. No escaping Cosmic Sufferings to feel ALIVE. But --- BY GOD! --- Win or Lose, is this, tick tick tick, NOT an Adventure?
Will you prove a Winner, or a Loser? What Ending are YOU foreseeing? You got any Say in the OUTCOME?
Disconnect all you please, but none are exempt.
"No one here is leaving, and that's as sure as Hell!"
https://www.quora.com/What-sort-of-dangers-might-there-be-in-becoming-enlightened-and-escaping-the-well-known-routine-of-samsara-Might-enlightenment-be-just-another-level-of-a-longer-samsara-with-much-more-dramatic-cosmic-sufferings