(Typed at 2AM in a light trance-like state)(Speculations on the Self and the Mind)
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The nature of The Self is that of an infinite spiral of self-observation.
If one wishes to descend to the depths of one's own consciousness, one way to this end is to contemplate yourself observing the world. At first you look out your eyes and see the world. Then you wonder, who is it that is observing the world through these eyes? Then you say, "I am here, like a small person in my head, observing through these eyes." However then it is incumbent upon you to realize that you are speaking of this small "you" not as this small person, but as an observer of this small person. It is as if now you are standing next to that person in your head describing him. So you now ask, "Who then is observing the person that is observing the world through these eyes?" And the cycle begins. For now the next question becomes "Who is the person that is observing the person that is observing the person that is observing the world through these eyes?" and so on, ad infinitum, for there is always another person observing the person, there is always a deeper level of realization and observation and heightened perspective; it never ends. There is always another person standing next to that little person in your head describing the last one. I've been able to hold six or seven of them in my head at once, but that in no way limits their number, merely my ability to visualize. They go on forever, for how could they not?
In a likewise manner, when you focus on yourself, close your eyes and focus on who is doing the focusing, try to turn your own consciousness back upon itself and "see the see-er" as it were, you create a similar cycle of regressive (or perhaps descending) self-observation, only in this case it's more like a feedback cycle in a sound system. You focus on yourself, and as you observe the being that is observing the being that is observing the being... as you enter into and descend through this cycle, there is a phenomena of energy, a pressure in one's mind, a white noise effect, even an auditory whine verging on the ultrasonic at the edge of human perception. A feedback effect. The more you are able to focus on yourself, the more pronounced the effects.
I'm coming to realize that these phenomena of mental or consciousness feedback cycles, similar to that which is encountered in sound systems, are important to the phenomena of consciousness and even the existence of the self.
As far as we know, only humans ever even think to attempt to become conscious of their "inner observer" or self, so perhaps only humans experience these types of feedback cycles in the mind. Such a cycle seems to give depth to our consciousness, and even a sense of permanence in our minds. The feeling that we are infinite, for example.
Other types of mental feedback cycles can have disastrous effects upon the mind rather than formative or preservative ones; in essence they can destroy the existing mind and re-order it's basic 'wiring.' This is psychosis, or a break from reality, a break from the normal order of the mind, and can be irreparable and dangerous. I've experienced a hint of this type off feedback cycle in the past with salvia,*** and I feel it is the psychological basis of insanity, what it feels like in the mind rather than what it is defined as scientifically. The mental mechanism, if you will. In these cases though, fear is always involved in the cycle. So then you have a random thought for some reason that is repugnant to you or that you very desperately seek to rid yourself from; both fear and guilt can be involved in this desire. The thought repels you, so you seek to *not think it.* This is however futile, for the more you seek to rid yourself of it the more it comes to dominate you, literally feeding off the feedback-cycle of fear until it comes to control your mind utterly and completely, essentially shattering your old frames of reference and creating newer and more chaotic ones. You *snap.*
***This side of feedback cycles spoken of before HERE under "DEMON" and "The Potential Ghost."
"The thought repels you, so you seek to *not think it.* This is however futile, for the more you seek to rid yourself of it the more it comes to dominate you, literally feeding off the feedback-cycle of fear until it comes to control your mind utterly and completely, essentially shattering your old frames of reference and creating newer and more chaotic ones. You *snap.* "
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Good post. This last bit is particularly good, and brings to mind (no pun intended) my own experiences with "Mindfulness Meditation." We are told that we should simply observe our thoughts dispassionately without judgement, then "let them go" and return to the breath.
Often easier said than done. Too often, sadly, we are our own Judge, Jury (and alas sometimes Executioner) of ourselves and we as you say, *snap*
Thank you very much. I agree with you as regards mindfulness. Hard to do, takes practice. Working on that myself.
ReplyDeleteI was referring to my previous post here: http://salviaspace.blogspot.com/2014/09/strange-stuff.html with the two stories "DEMON" and "THE POTENTIAL GHOST."
That kind of "snap." A fracturing of the mind due to a feedback loop of belief with no way out. No way except to convince yourself not to think of what you're afraid of to the point of dismissing its importance, and then teaching yourself not to let those loops occur. Not easy I'd wager.
I got interested in a discussion on DMT nexus where they discuss the Hindu philosophy of Advaita Vedanta. I’m new to this philosophy/religion, so forgive me if some of this is incorrect, but the key principle is that our awareness is our true self. We are not our bodies, personalities, thoughts, but rather what observes those thoughts. The philosophy states that there is nothing behind this observer, and that there is only one observer. So basically the awareness that is in everyone, is all one, or God.
ReplyDeleteAnyway lately I have been noticing how on low doses of salvia I am very aware of my thoughts, emotions, and body to the point of actually feeling separate from them. On higher doses, I can't seem to observe these things at all. I am aware of some visuals and weird stuff happening so there is still awareness, but maybe this state is completely beyond memory and the body and that is why it is difficult to remember. In this state we could be close to experiencing that true self.
I know by the glimmers and remains of memories of when I was far out in salvia space that I experience thousands of things, involved story lines, visual and imaginational phenomena, that I lose as soon as I turn my attention to the next one. I wish I could bring more back with me. One thing I'm noticing that's good is that with repeated trips, many experiences, the more common ones that I have are becoming familiar enough that I'm retaining more of them. So say, I have one tonight, it reminds me that I've had it many times before and never remembered it later, so I make more effort to "tag" it in my mind for later recall. This is tricky because if one concentrates enough on trying to impress it on one's memory, you lose your train of thought and lose it that way.
DeleteYes, I too am noticed more familiarity with trips and memory. Although I wouldn't say it's memory that I'm bringing back, at least that doesn't seem like the important part. I think the significant thing I am starting to recall is a very very mild feeling or sense of what salvia is like without having the experience.
DeleteSorry Brian for differing from the topic all the time, but the group of people to share my ideas is very very small ...
ReplyDeleteThis is a mind game
Imagine whole, really whole reality, is like a fractal. You can zoom inside it infinitely far. In infinitely numbers of different directions (even not only linear direction) and ways. Everything that exists, concepts like pi, primes, causality or space-time, even your whole life, is just a coded sequence somewhere in the fractal.
The role of the observer is just to decide in which direction you will go. I believe it's your own picture of reality that leads you through the never ending trip called reality.
The whole fractal itself is nothing, regarding to the theory of nothing. But as long as we are observing just an finite aspect of the infinity fractal (reality), it's not nothing for the observer. On the other side, that means reality can only exist while observing!
The best thing at all is, that we will never be able to understand the meaning of infinity, because its nothing in its absoluteness . This makes the trip through reality from the observer point of view unfathomable.
It's so strange and mind blowing, but a friend and I came to this conclusion while discussing fractals.
Cheers
We never experienced nothingness (infinity or also reality in its absoluteness) and we never will, so we will never understand what it means. Never, and that makes reality to the greatest infinity adventure.
DeleteI get this strong impression that reality is like dixie cups stacked in an infinite pile. One reality nested inside the next. One reality dreaming the next, dreaming the next. Not sure how to describe it.
DeleteI've also gotten the intuition that "everything happens somewhere" which when you think about it (a lot!) is a lot like what you're saying about fractals.
Yes, once upon a time, I had the following thought:
DeleteWhat happens when I start sleeping and also dreaming in my dreams? It would be an infinity stack of dreams within a dream.
But why I'm able to wake up again? As far as I know "time" is running or feels slowlier in dreams. But then there have to be a dream in which time is not passing by or does not exist anymore.
Maybe one answer is that we go back to the root of our true self while dreaming.
And with true self I mean the state of the observer without definition. I think reality starts when the observer starts to define himself.
DeleteThis post was really helpful, thanks Brian. I believe I've been struggling with something like this 'feedback cycle' or extreme cognitive dissonance lately.
ReplyDeleteOh, my friend, they're very hard to break out of. I've been thinking about how to give advice to people on how to do it.
ReplyDeleteDesire to break the cycle strengthens the cycle. So that's not the way. There *is* no obvious way.
The only thing I could think of, was how I did it in "DEMON." One has to find an alternative thought to think instead whenever any part of the cycle comes up in your head. I think ceremonial magic has one possible answer. Laughter. Laughing at the whole thing. Not easy to do either, but that's the proper attitude. One forces one's self to not think any of the thoughts that lead back into the cycle, and laughs at the whole process in one's head as one does so. Laughter is what magicians use for grounding and banishment. Find humor in it. Laugh at yourself for being silly even. You need a strong emotion to break the cycle.
Another thing that helps is to have a "banishment ritual" in your head. It doesn't have to be as complex as the Pentagram rituals used in magic either. Hell, stamping your foot on the ground hard as a symbol of "earthing" the process and letting all that circular energy go back into the earth. Or even a symbol to think of, whether a geometric like a hexagram or pentagram, or a scene from one's childhood with associations of happiness and balance.
You must distract yourself from the process every time it tries to 'rear its head' is the point. Eventually you develop confidence (as I did) that it can no longer affect you. Even pride in the fact that you're now "immune."
That makes so much sense to me. I've used laughter in the past as a way of 'grounding' myself. Thanks again.
DeleteThese feedback loops are almost consciousnesses unto themselves. They take on a life of their own. That's why I called my own one "DEMON."
ReplyDeleteI spoke to a psychologist about these feedback loops. I said I thought they were the basis of psychosis. She informed me that the basis of psychosis was brain chemistry etc. I said "yes, that's the physical evidence, but the pattern of thoughts that lead to that is a feedback cycle." I explained it further to her and she eventually (seemingly reluctantly) agreed that such may be the case.
ReplyDeletePsychological science needs to pay more attention to the thought patterns, and less to the physical side of these things, I think.
Sorry Brian for differing from the topic all the time, but the group of people to share my ideas is very very small ...
ReplyDelete-Dafu Gramer
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Don't be! I like it when we meander.
Yeah so I read your DEMON post, and now I understand what you mean by these feedback loops, I too have experienced something very similar but while on MDMA. Which is uncharacteristic for this drug which makes me think that it was not pure. I have also had minor cases of this with marijuana. I call them the crazy loops. Basically I too had this horrific thought which kept on building and feeding back on itself and getting stronger. To try and battle the cycle, I started to talk out loud about good things, positive things. It actually helped a ton, which probably seems weird because I was talking to myself, but in a way to voice my thoughts out loud almost helped anchor me to reality and who I really was.
ReplyDeleteBrian do you think people who commit horrific acts of violence were actually normal people who developed psychosis like this? My personal thought is that our deep down beliefs did not match what was going on at the moment, and even though we might have thought terrible things, I don’t think we could physically do it. For example while in this crazy state, I got a ride home in a cab. Now everything that was going through my mind seemed absolutely insane, I didn’t even think I knew where I lived, but then everything coming out my mouth was perfectly normal. I had a perfect conversation with the guy, and told him my exact address, but in my mind I was almost in a different world.
Also because of this experience, I pretty much do not watch horror movies now.
I've also stopped watching horror movies. Negative imagery is mind pollution when you're sensitized to such things.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if one could act on these loops, but my suspicion is "yes." In my case with DEMON, the whole point of my terror is that what seemed to be happening was the dismantling of all my control mechanisms, by my "violent sub-mind" that deals with such things when needed. Like a prison-break. Like the violent part of my mind wanted to take over and was doing so successfully. I felt my mind literally starting to crack, to fracture into pieces. So yes, I think this is how people go violently insane, at least some of the time. An "obsession" with a violent thought can give it the power it needs to take control and dismantle your controls.